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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Make Hay While the Sun Shines" (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (03/06/08)
With unceasing hollow throat;
Can’t sing with white robed holy mass;
The city sparkles, yet remote.

Face flattened ‘gainst a shielding glass;
Fists pounding now to mangle bones;
Can’t sing with white robbed holy mass.

Dismissed my questions as unknowns;
Answers always saved for later;
Fists pounding now to mangle bones.

Tomorrow mundane trades for greater;
Paid token homage, Sunday smiles;
Answers always saved for later.

Mind too taxed with pressing trials;
I saw the joys, yet stayed outside;
Paid token homage, Sunday smiles.

Eternal thoughts were pushed aside;
Tomorrow’s faithful, I am not;
I see the joys, yet stay outside.

My last tomorrow sealed my lot;
With unceasing hollow throat;
Tomorrow was faithful—I was not—
The city sparkles, yet remote.

+++

The lord of that servant shall come in a day when he looketh not for him, and in an hour that he is not aware of, and shall cut him asunder, and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Mt. 24: 50, 51 NAS
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This article has been read 1071 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
03/15/08
Wonderful structure, and the poem brought a lump to my throat--so full of longing, melancholy, regret. You have a gift, and we're blessed that you share it with us.
Marilyn Schnepp 
03/15/08
This is definitely NOT for the simpleton...like me. It was far over my head and from the "terzanelle" in the Title to the end...I am ashamed to say this, but I was lost in a beautiful haze - not knowing where I was going or what I was reading It probably doesn't make sense to an intellectual - but consider the source and smile... I write for children Great job (I think,) (*.*)
Patty Wysong
03/17/08
I could feel the melancholy even though I didn't understand the poem (LoL, I'm not a poetry person)--but I sure did understand the feeling that flowed through this.
Jeffrey Snell
03/18/08
Terrific structure, and you conveyed the repeated opportunities and failures to take them succinctly. Nice work!
Lyn Churchyard
03/19/08
I'll be totally honest. I had to Google the word 'Terzanelle'- I'd never heard of it.

After reading 'Tomorrow's Terzanelle', I know why you are in Advanced and I am in Beginners.

The regret, and the pain, and the sorrow seep from every pore of this poem (is poem too lowly a word?). On target for topic? Definitely!
Karin Fiscaletti
03/19/08
Very good. I was, in the begining, having a hard time understanding (I'm a simple one also), but while I read and felt this poem, I felt the Lord begin to let me see it. It is beautiful, and very thought provoking!
Patrick Whalen
03/19/08
I am no poet thus my knowledge in this area is remote. I will say though that while reading this there was a certain tempo that resonated from what you have written. I believe I did get the message though which is often something that flies over me in poetry.
Joshua Janoski
03/19/08
I didn't really understand the poem, but that is my problem. I am not yet at the level to really understand this deep and beautiful level of poetry. I really enjoyed it though, regardless of my ignorance. :)
Janice Cartwright
05/23/08
This made me want to run to the edge and pull the MC in. I love the way you dropped some of the lines lower and lower and until they fell off completely - symbolism in dynamics of the structure that parallel the message.