The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I got a sense of actually being in the police station with the officer and the young man. Good writing.
Excellent descriptions of Jared. I could see him in my mind. You captured the attitude and voice well. Good line at the end about spending time with your kids.
The dialog put me right there in the story, making me see Jared and his attitude. The last line was great--I just wish something like that was available or Jared.
You have to feel for Jared. You could sense the false bravado and the feeling of hopelessness as he sat in the Cop Shop. "He had taken this scenic cruise before" - so sad.
You've done a great job of making this so real. I loved the title.