The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/10/07
You certainly captured the topic in this piece. I can feel it teeming from every sentence. I love the last paragraph too.
Very well written. I could feel the narrator's anger as I read on.
This held my attention. You captured what Sundown Syndrome does to people very well.
My main suggestion for this piece would be to replace the mild profanity (the "B word) with something else. I'm not a prude, but just feel it could be said in another way. Having said that, this is a good piece that really shows the frustrations in dealing with a senile person. Well done.
Oh, this touched home. My mother-in-law just spent 12 days at our home. She needs lots of help and was ugly and rude to my children at times. I needed your reminder last week! This is an excellent story. You have captured the MCs feelings and emotions well. Great job.
08/13/07
You captured the emotion of caring for an elderly MIL so powerfully. I would also suggest choosing another adjective other than the "b" word. I think it would enhance the power of the article. We had my MIL for several months when she was suffering from full dimentia among other things. It's a challenge, to say the least. I found myself getting angry and also had to remember she wasn't my enemy -- I was the daughter she never had. Great writing! :)
It was almost as if "the sins of the (parents) were being visited on the children". In this case, the sin of anger. But hey, we've all been there. I always like to see the word Bible capitalized because it's the word of God and I think it shows respect. But other than that and the "b" word which is easily corrected, this was an honest, well-written account of "having it up to here" in anger. Good job!