Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)
-
TITLE: My Cinderella Story | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sara Harricharan
06/05/07 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Pizza I can’t eat because I’m sitting outside under the willow tree in our backyard. It’s kinda dark out here.
Except for my special white dress.
Tonight was the annual father-daughter dance. Mom and Daddy are divorced. So I have a Step-dad now, his name is Duncan.
I asked Daddy to the dance. He said he’ll be there.
The dance started a half-hour ago. I don’t know where he is. He sure didn’t call.
Mom’s all mad that I didn’t ask Duncan to go. She says she knew Daddy wouldn’t come.
I don’t get it. Daddy never breaks his promises to me.
“Elena?” An old whisper half-scares me outta my wits.
I scramble to my feet, half-pressed against the knotted bark of the willow tree, hoping the shadow will hide me from….Grandpa. “Gramps?” I whisper.
He chuckles. The sound of wheezing horses over wind chimes.
Dressed in a black suit, all fancy with a flower sticking in his button hole, I wonder if he’s taking Gram out tonight.
“Well, well, if it isn’t my little princess.” He hands me the most beautiful white rose I’ve ever seen. It looks nice in the dusk. “If her highness is ready, I am ready and willing to escort her to the ball.”
Giggles come out of me. I wonder where I stored them. Gramps sounds so funny. “Where’s Daddy?”
The smile fades into the shadows around his face. “His flight was delayed for a couple of hours in Chicago.” He tips up my chin. “So he called me instead. Is that all right?”
I knew Daddy wouldn’t set me up. “That’s perfect Gramps.” My forehead crinkles. “D’ you know how t’ dance?”
Gramps pulls himself up all dignified. “Do I? I taught your father to dance. Now come along, you sparkling scamp!” He tweaks my tiara.
I skip happily beside him, holding my first rose carefully. My mouth drops open.
Sitting at the curb is the longest car I’ve ever seen. “Gramps…?”
“It’s a limo, kiddo.” He quips. “Ordered specially for you.”
I’ve never ridden in a limo before. I hope ride again soon. It’s so nice. Gramps and the driver treated me like a real princess!
We arrived at the school, fashionably late, all part of a grand entrance.
They were playing my favorite song when we walked through the door. Gramps and I danced the whole night away. Except for fruit punch and brownies in between.
When we finally left, Gramps gave me my very first diamond. A tiny, sparkling rock on a fancy chain, in a velvet jewelry box. Gramps said every real princess deserves a diamond.
I feel like Cinderella. This is the best night of my life yet.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
I wonder if past tense would work better than present tense for a children's story. Just a thought...I usually think of present tense as a sort of artsy, grown-up device, and I know that my own low-level readers trip up when reading present tense.
Little girls will love this story, and it's got the right mixture of realism and "magic."
I agree with one of the comments above that past tense might work better. At first I thought you switched tenses, but then realized she's thinking back and then in the present.
It really kept my attention. Thanks so much!