The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I really like your title. Some of your stanzas were so errie I almost had chills on my spin; you caught the tone very well. There was some confusion for me thoughout; it was hard, sometimes, to tell where you were in the story. In editing, I'd work on your word placement so that words in each stanza just ring through, and clarity of the plot. Really good message about not putting eternity off! Thanks!
This was a really good message. I recently heard a sermon called "Afterwards Jesus" based on how ashamed the apostles felt once He was resurrected, most of all Peter, but Christ gave in love, not as they deserved. This read much the same way and is a new favorite story of mine. This ran a little long for me but it's late and I'm tired, I think it's a reflection on me, not you! Excellent job!
As I was reading this, I was thinking, how's he going to give it a great ending--we all know how Peter's story ends...but you absolutely gave me goose bumps with those last few stanzas. Very, very good. I like the rhythm of this piece, too, with the two syllable ka-thump at the end of each stanza.
I always read poetry out loud and this started out sounding like Robert Service - The Shooting of Dan McGrew or The Spell of the Yukon- but the pattern didn't stick - however I loved the feel of the words as they came off my tongue and the discriptive quality of your writing - it left a vivid atmosphere in my room.
Wow, gave me the chills.
Chilling and atmospheric. Wonderfully done - you told this familiar story in a fresh, eye-opening way. I was definitely blessed!