Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)
TITLE: Clown Aversion Therapy
By Kelly Klepfer
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But before you tie bind and gag me and shove me in the back of a Volkswagen Beetle with seventeen other clown haters, hear me out. Seriously, don’t squirt me in the eye with your plastic trick flower, I need your attention. Stop honking your big, red nose. Focus. I’m serious. I have a problem with clowns. Call it an issue if you must.
My clown aversion is genetic. You know how those things are passed down through gene pools. My paternal grandmother and aunts hate clowns, too. But, to defend them, they did not influence me in any way.
The clown distaste came about naturally, randomly, at the circus. As an innocent five-year-old, I munched popcorn, not expecting what would happen next. Clowns suddenly filled one of the rings. Bright colors, bizarre hair, funny bicycles, it was a clown overload and I looked nervously around, trying to see if others were running, screaming toward the exits or seemed to be entertained.
Entertainment won out…until the bang.
Not that it was the bang heard around the world – but it was certainly the bang that spilled my popcorn.
I’m justified. Clowns made me spill my popcorn.
I have had a few other encounters with clowns since then. I’m embarrassed to admit that I even played the part of a clown. Part of my job, I didn’t have a choice, who wants a pink slip written in grease paint? And I actually bought a miniature clown tea set for my above mentioned aunts. In that situation clowns are funny.
Now that I’m out of therapy, I think I can co-exist with clowns, from the distance of a mile or two.
Don’t even get me started on mimes.
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