The Official Writing Challenge
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A very sweet story, would make a nice Sunday School paper.
I like that you left the reader to decide whether the little boy was a thief or not. This would make a good story for a Sunday School class - let the class discuss the issues and come up with a Biblical solution. My favourite line? "the hours dragged like cold pancake syrup."
Loved the Mystery part of this story. Very good. I wouldn't mention the little errors if this were in beginners...but because it's advanced, I figure you'd like to know. Doesn't take away from the Mystery aspect...but helps the writer to progress up the ladder to success.
Aw, what a sweet story. A careful proofread would have caught some minor typo's, but the writing was great! Love the ending.
Lovely story. Also enjoyed the cold syrup line.
I liked the way the pastor coupled finding the doll with learning about giving. The solution didn't suprise me as much as the detective work created by the pastor.
Cute story! Jerry was quite the brother to think of something for his little sister! I think there was a typo in the third to last(?) sentence. Very good story!
A mystery tied up with a wonderful message of love! Great story!!
Minor errors but I just loved the story nonetheless. Very touching, sweet and yes, that pancake line was sweet!