Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Valley (08/10/06)
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TITLE: Prejudice Licked and Smacked Its Lips | Previous Challenge Entry
By Julie Michaelson
08/17/06 -
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It snickered, and wiped some spit from the side of Its mouth. Oh! It could
just taste the flavor of sweet success! Breaking into a full chuckle, It quickly
covered Its mouth, and looked around, to and fro. Even at the height of blissful
joy, It was always shaking a little from fear. It never knew when The Light
would come.
"Hello, Sandra? Hi! How are you doing?"
Sandra's fingers tightened around her cell. Oh, that's right.
She had forgotten to call Judy. She rolled her eyes, in exasperation.
She still hadn't decided about tonight.
I was just calling, to see if you'd like to go or not. It's almost 5:30, and
the traffic on Friday night is always heavy."
Breaking out in a light sweat, Sandra bit her lower lip. "Hi, Judy! Thanks
for calling me! Uh, yeah. Are you sure it's alright? I mean, I've never been
to one, before."
Prejudice smiled like a toothy pumpkin, and rubbed Its fat palms together.
Yippee! It danced a little circle around Sandra, waving a fist in the air.
It almost jabbed Itself in the eye; It was so deliriously happy!
"Yeah, yeah! I'd love to have you come! I mean, you've invited me to
your church, several times now. You've been so sweet to me. I'd really
like to have you come, tonight!"
Sandra bit her moistened lip, again. How could she get out of this?
She just felt so uncomfortable; she couldn't even imagine walking in there.
Suppose they all turned around, and peered at her? No, she just felt too
funny about it.
Prejudice fell onto the tiled floor, with laughter. Oh! Oh! This was too hilarious!
Oh! Just wait till It told one of Its friends! This was like taking candy from a
baby! How easy could things be, in this stupid world?
"Listen, why don't I just pick you up? Your neighborhood is almost on the way
to synagogue. I could be there, in about 30 minutes, or so."
Sandra held her breath, as if praying to cure the hiccups in the middle of a
quiet theatre. "Well, are you sure? You know....I don't even know how people
dress, and all."
Prejudice leaned against the wall, sticking Its tongue into the side of Its
salivating cheek. Its eyes squinted up in mirthful satisfaction. It examined
Its fingernails. Hm, this one had a chip on it; Prejudice bit it off, impatiently.
How long was this going to take, anyhow? It had a lot of hectic work to do,
and the night was still young.
"Don't worry about it!" Judy giggled. "Just come as you are! I'm wearing
what I wore to work, today. Hey, listen, I'm going to have to pick up the
kids. I should be there by.......maybe, about 6:20?"
For a moment, Sandra stared out the kitchen window. At this time of year,
the sun wasn't as high overhead. Their dog, Peanuckle, was sitting in the
shade of the oak. Well? What was she going to say? She just didn't feel
comfortable about this, at all. Then, she spied the torn cover, of her Bible,
laying atop her refrigerator. She must have left it there, after church
Sunday, and forgotten about it.
Suddenly, Prejudice stopped grinning, and reared Its craggy head. It
sniffed the air, like a rat inside a hole. It began crawling about, on the
floor, straining to keep Itself low. Then, It began squinting Its beady eyes
with hatred, hatred, and.........fear.
"Yeah, okay.....yeah. I just need to get my shoes on, is all. Hey, do I have
to wear one of those hats?"
Judy laughed again. "No, silly! You mean, a Yamakah? That's just
for guys! Or course, we still expect you to read all the Hebrew."
"Oh, no!" Sandra let out a breath, and laughed, too. "Okay.......so,
I guess I'll see you soon, then! Yeah......bye!" She turned off her cell.
She smiled, and shook her head slightly. Then, she went to get her shoes.
Prejudice was panting, and sweating hard, now. It hadn't expected this
nauseating turn of events. Everything was going so great! Oh. Oh, no.
Suddenly, a Light filled the room.
Pain scratched, and pricked at Its eyes. Prejudice put a hand up,
desperately trying to shield Its sensitive lids. Oh, how It hated, and
feared The Light! No! No!
And, It was gone.
Jesus was there.
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Watch your use of commas; many of them were unnecessary. For instance, "She rolled her eyes, in exasperation." does not require a comma. A good rule of thumb is to read the article as another person would read it and note the places where you pause. Those are the places for punctuation of some sort.
I liked the ending, the defeat of the demon by the presence of the Light, Jesus Christ.