The Official Writing Challenge
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I really enjoyed your atory. It was fast paced and contained quite a bit of information without losing the reader. I didn't like the fact that your lead character said "Oh my God." I believe that using that phrase (even if the character isn't a Christian) is innapropriate for this site. I could be wrong, but I thought Deb made a rule about taking the Lord's name in vain. Anyways, besides that I really enjoyed your story. It gives the reader much to think about. I wonder what happened in that man's life for him to throw away his beliefs. Good job!
03/14/06
I wish I had more information - kinda left me hanging - is there a sequel in here somewhere? Forget the exclamation marks - the emotion in the dialogue should be strong enough to cause the reader to feel it without all the !!!!!!!!!. Well written.
I thought the dialog flowed very well and sounded natural. The idea of the story was good too, but I would have liked to have it wrap up a little better. Like Lynda said, is there a sequel to fill us in on the dad? ;)
03/16/06
This was stronger where it had a narrative-and-dialog style than at the end, when it was more stream-of-consciousness. Describe what your character is doing, not just what he is thinking, and you'll pull in more readers. However--a very intriguing premise! I enjoyed speculating about the father's secrets.
03/16/06
Agree with all comments.
Try something like this. "Where is that light switch? Click. Light filled the vastness of the attic. Now, where is that trunk? There, in the corner of the attic ...." [Just a thought :) ]
03/16/06
COuldn't agree more about the blasphemy, and agree that the dialogue needs tightening up. That said, this was rather intriguing - I'd certainly turn the page to chapter 2.