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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: STORM (10/05/17)
What am I doing, wondering down street after lonely street, searching? Searching for what! Oh my gosh, I am just another lost soul, wondering from one problem to another, never getting it quite right.
I always believed it would be so easy; grow up, meet the right person, he would sweep me off my size ten feet and life would be a bed of beautiful red roses.
I bet that’s what you thought too, didn’t you? I thought, as I slowly passed another person walking down the rough, narrow sidewalk.

“I’m so glad I ran into you today”, Tammy said, as she startled me out of my self-pity. “I so needed someone to talk to who cares about me, but I didn’t want to call and bother you.”

“Tammy, you know you can always call me when you need me. I’ll try my best to help but you have to let me know what is going on”,

“Betty, she said, as we hugged each other tightly, ”I just feel like my heart is breaking into a million pieces. My husband just told me he is in love with my friend, Judy, and he wants a divorce! Can you imagine, after twenty-five years of marriage. And cheating with my best friend?”

“You know, Tammy, I am probably not the best person to give you advise, but I can hold you while you cry and we can pray together for God to guide you through this terrible time. Would that be alright?”

“I can certainly use all the hugs I can get right now and it seems like that God you pray to comes through for you when you talk to Him. Maybe you can teach me how to talk to Him like you do. I’ve never known anything about this Christian life you mention from time to time. “

“Oh Tammy, My God loves you the same as He loves me and you can just talk to Him anytime. He will listen and guide you through the many storms of life that threaten to destroy you,” I replied.

“I feel so much better now, Tammy said, just being able to talk to you.”

“Betty, I guess I’m really being selfish. When I saw you walking down the street a few minutes ago, I felt you were really unhappy about something and here I am just loading you down with my problem. So tell me what’s wrong in your world.”

“You know, Tammy, I was walking along feeling there was a real storm brewing in my relationship with my new boyfriend but I realize now, it’s nothing compared to what you are going through so how about we just sit down on this bench over here by that big old Oak Tree and we will pray together about both our problems. I am sure God will give us both the insight we need to get through our stormy season. “

“By the way, speaking of my God, I wonder if you would like to come to church with me on Sunday morning. I would be happy to pick you up. Maybe we could go out to lunch at the new café down on Main Street.”
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This article has been read 412 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Dave Walker 
10/12/17
Good use of dialogue to tell the story. Spell-checker doesn't always alert you to mistakes when a similar word is used. That needs a bit of care. You were wandering, not wondering and needed advice, not advise.
Jenny Fulton 
10/12/17
Good job with the dialogue and storytelling. You might want to brush up on dialogue punctuation.
Larry Whittington
10/14/17
You have put this story together nicely to show that we all, both Christian and non-Christian, can have problems and low times.

We all live in the world God cursed because of Adam and Eve's sin. We cannot escape the problems but as you pointed out, we have help with our problems.

I feel that sometimes God gives people these problems to draw us closer to him. Even non-believers will at times cry out "God help me" even if they think they don't believe in him.

Nice writing. Keep writing.
Katy Foster
10/15/17
Nice flow, therefore enjoyable to read. I like your writing style. Something that helps me with proofreading is reading my writing piece aloud to a family member or friend. I seem to be able to spot punctuation problems and conflicts in tenses (past/present) more when I read it to someone.
Phillip Cimei
10/16/17
You had a good story line and a lot of dialogue, which is good.

A few suggestions. Check over your punctuation, capitalization and formatting. Recheck and recheck again. It will help clean it up before entry.

Also, dialogue is good, but interject feelings with each change of conversation to tell us how that person reacted to what the other person said.

Use the five senses to paint pictures.

Good job and keep writing.