Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: CALENDAR (10/20/16)
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TITLE: Twelve Minutes Sometime | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jeremy Kirby
10/26/16 -
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“What’s today?” asked Gabe, the middle child.
The answer should have been obvious based on the events of the day. Somehow, there was a short circuit in the memory center of his nine-year old brain.
“It’s Thursday,” answered his older brother with a grin, always ready with an answer heavy with sarcasm.
Gabe tilted his head in thought. It’s not Thursday Caleb; I have my spelling test on Thursday.
“No you don’t, Gabe. Your test is tomorrow – Tuesday,” chimed in their father.
Dad, I have my practice test on Wednesday.
“Since when?”
Since always, I mean – since the second week of school, he droned.
“Well, then its Tuesday today.”
Gabe seemed satisfied with his fathers’ answer.
Silence followed as everyone’s attention re-centered on the TV set.
“Aren’t you worried about your spelling test tomorrow, on Friday, not the practice test on Wednesday Gabe?” asked his mother, interrupting the silence.
The young boy stared at her in wonder. His baby brother laughed as he bounced up and down on the recliner’s outstretched footstool, between his mama’s knees.
Oh my goodness, Gabe grabbed his head and flopped down on the couch.
“Okay,’ said his dad, ‘here’s the show we’ve been waiting for!”
doo Dee Dee duh, doo Dee Dee duh –The Walking Dead, Season seven - Episode 1, began.
Twelve minutes later…
“Eenie meenie miny moe” …thump, thump.
What? No! Gabe moaned. We were all thinking it.
Laughing, sarcastic words…thump
“Maggie, I’ll find you,” …thump, thump, thump.
At that, Dad picked up the remote and quickly flipped the channel to the Food Network.
“That was just wrong,” he said.
“We spent all that time watching all those episodes and they did that?” echoed their mom.
The whole family was saddened and shocked, all except for the baby, of course, who just smiled and drooled all over his teething ring. Their dad realized, and now had to explain, “We fell in love with each character, experiencing joy with them, over each triumph. The good in the group outweighed the necessary evil. We overlooked the evil that we should never have put in front of our eyes, and over time, we stopped seeing it.”
“And now, in less than fifteen minutes,’ said their mom, ‘the story went too far, and we can’t watch it anymore. It just wouldn’t be right.”
“Hey Gabe, Rick is just like you are right now. He doesn’t know what he’s gonna do for the group, and you don’t know what day it is,’ Caleb uttered. ‘But He’s gonna figure it out and that other guy will be sorry.”
A smile came over Gabe’s young face. It’s Sunday! Halloween Wars always comes on Sunday. He snuggled close into his father’s side as relief washed over his body. He found his place in time once again.
“That’s right Gabe,’ said his father, ‘Tomorrow is Monday, a new week, and you don’t have to worry about the spelling test after all.”
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I'll admit I was a bit confused when the kid didn't know what day it was. I totally understand why the brother teased him, but why didn't the parents step in? Lastly, my biggest question is what kind of parents let kids that little watch Walking Dead? Of course, that is your point later on, but I'm still scratching my head some that it took 7 seasons to figure that out(meaning the middle child had been watching it since he was 2!)
Be aware that not all readers will know what the TV show is about or even have heard of it. I've never watched the show myself for more than a few seconds before I knew I'd have nightmares if I watched more. You also have some errors like fathers' instead of father, some run-ons, and each matched with their (each is singular so it should be each/his or her place.)
I do think using TV shows to mark the calendar's passing is quite clever and really speaks loudly to what we are doing with our kids today. You make some great points about this for sure. The ending was sweet, but also speaks volumes about today's world. I think you have a solid idea, but either it's hard to explain in 750 words or could use some more tweaking, but I truly admire your creativity, the out-of-the-box take on the topic, and the message. Keep writing and keep reading and commenting on other entries as well.
I had a difficult time following this, though--the bit about what day it was seemed unnecessarily confusing. And it was very topical--tied to one particular episode of a television show--and thus will be difficult to follow for anyone unfamiliar with the show (or that particular episode).
Keep the pacing, the humor, your unique voice, and keep your readers in mind. Your writing has a lot of potential.
This just was not one of my kind of pieces.