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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Vines (11/21/05)
There is no need to pretend anymore
This mutual attraction cannot be ignored
Bit by bit our desires will grow
And time will prescribe just how it will go

This is normal and natural as well
We are members of a social world
I am your friend and you are mine
Sweetly unique and beautifully kind

You inspire in me the desire to be
The man who can meet all your womanly needs
As we constantly reach for that heavenly package
Let us seek to unite as a couple in marriage

Nothing as yet has proved as important
As journeying with you to the land of commitment
It is a promise together we make
One we should cherish and never to break

Look at the vines on my mother’s veranda
Climbing and twining their way on the walls
No longer their growth shall come as a wonder
For where there is support they always will grow

And so is the same with this love that we have
So long as we call for support from above
Nothing and no one can jilt us away
With God on our side we cannot go astray

I love you today and still will tomorrow
Be it good days or bad ones to follow
Here is my heart and it’s calling for yours
God bless our love as slowly it grows

Let God be the surface on which we must lean
To bless us as one and guide us within
To unite us in body, spirit and soul
And forever our love shall blossom and grow
Like the bougainvilleas on my mother's veranda.

AMEN.
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This article has been read 1111 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Anita Neuman
11/29/05
This is a very good start, but needs polishing. Some of your rhymes are forced and the extra line at the very end doesn't quite fit. Overall, the message of the piece is quite beautiful and romantic, and for that, you are to be commended.
dub W
12/02/05
Read this outoud, the pace and beats will become more evident.
Sandra Petersen
12/03/05
The sentiments in this were so very sweet and precious. The phrase that especially caught my breath: "I am your friend and you are mine, sweetly unique and beautifully kind." True, the rhythm at times is a little off. Like Dub said, reading poetry out loud will help you determine the accented and unaccented beats of each line. Then you can adjust the line to fit the pace you established with your first stanza. Some of the lines don't have to rhyme, the words can be similar, but as Anita said, too much can make the rhyme sound forced. This is a very good love poem, and any woman would be delighted to know it was written in her honor. Keep writing!
terri tiffany
12/05/05
I agree that this was written as a special love poem...your wordage was beautiful. I am unfamilair with poetry but felt the depth of the words themselves.