Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Extra (08/29/13)
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TITLE: The Ball | Previous Challenge Entry
By Eric Whitehead
09/05/13 -
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Howard was not so sure. “We’ve done it before,” he replied, “and it worked then!”
“Okay, you try it, see if you can make it work,” replied Dennis. In frustration he threw the ball to him.
Howard caught the ball as it flew over his head. He examined it, somehow it felt different than before, but that was a year ago! It seemed much softer now, much heavier. He rolled it around in his hand and gazed intently at it. It was about three inches in diameter, about the size of a tennis ball. No one could remember where it had come from - it had been in Dennis’s family for generations - but it was accepted that it had been given to Dennis’s great-great-grandfather as a present whilst he was overseas. He had served on the sailing ships in the 19th Century, and had travelled the world; bringing back all kinds of unusual items, many of them lost now, although some, like this ball, had survived the passage of time.
“Would it make any difference if we didn’t do it this time?” asked Dennis. “after all it doesn’t have to be done, does it?”
Howard thought about this for a moment. He dismissed Dennis’s question, and argued. “It must be done, it’s always been done, ever since your grandfather was given it. That was one of the conditions. You know that.”
“Okay, let’s try it again then.”
Howard rolled the ball. It seemed to have expanded a little, and he knew that it was now time.
He threw it into the air. It stuck! Suspended in the air as if by unseen wires.
“It worked!” cried Dennis, excitedly. “Well done, I knew it would,” he continued, tongue in cheek, embarrassed because of his lack of faith.
Howard gazed at the ball, it was changing colour, and slowly starting to spin.
“It only works with faith,” whispered Howard, worried that sound of his voice might cause it to fall. “You must have faith or nothing will happen.
The ball turned translucent and started to expand, quickly filled most of the room.
Dennis walked around the ball. Howard watched his figure distort, like he was looking through imperfect glass. Gradually, the glassiness of the ball diminished, Dennis’s outline became recognisable. In seconds he was perfectly clear, as though there was nothing was between them. The room grew darker.
A star appeared, floating in the middle of the room, then another. In seconds there were hundreds of stars filling the room, twinkling and circling inside the ball. Another object appeared, its colour changing from yellow to bright orange. It expanded to become many times larger than any of the stars. The light emanating from it was blinding, and lit up the whole room. A smaller star appeared, emerging from behind the large, bright star. It was green and blue, much more wondrous than all the others. Dennis knew this was the earth, and gasped at its beauty.
They stood transfixed, and even though they had witnessed this fantastic spectacle every year - for the past 20 years - they still found it new and amazing. They were reminded of visits to solar observatories, but none of them matched the perfection and beauty of what they now gazed upon. They imagined themselves standing in the middle of the heavens, watching as stars, galaxies, and universes, unfolding before them, and around them.
They knew what followed, and they waited expectantly. Soon they heard a voice, it seemed to come from nowhere, but everywhere, a whisper, but oratorical. Dennis recollected that on a previous occasion when he had brought some friends around to witness this, they had all been amazed when each of them had heard the voice in their own language!
“In beginning,” the voice began, “God created the heavens and the earth……….then God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light….let there be an expanse….God made the expanse and called it heaven….”
Dennis and Howard watched in wonder as the spectacle continued. Galaxies circled their living room, the sun illuminated everything in an orange glow, and the earth displayed its beauty as it passed in front of their eyes.
The display ended. The ball dimmed, and contracted back into its original size. It dropped back into Howard’s outstretched hand. He gave the ball to Dennis who placed back into the box - until next year!
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Try to "show" instead of "tell." Try to avoid using the word "said" (and its various forms) and tell us what's happening instead. For example,
"Dennis threw the ball back to Howard, a bit harder than he needed to. 'Okay. You try it.'" That way we know Dennis is the one speaking, and we also understand that he's probably a bit frustrated, but you don't have to tell us. Hope that makes sense. :)
Anyway, this was really good. I liked it a lot.
God Bless~