The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/08/13
Oh, this is so unique! I like it.

Try to "show" instead of "tell." Try to avoid using the word "said" (and its various forms) and tell us what's happening instead. For example,
"Dennis threw the ball back to Howard, a bit harder than he needed to. 'Okay. You try it.'" That way we know Dennis is the one speaking, and we also understand that he's probably a bit frustrated, but you don't have to tell us. Hope that makes sense. :)

Anyway, this was really good. I liked it a lot.
09/10/13
Wow - what a unique and talented story. I was enthralled with the entire piece. Loved it.

God Bless~