Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Flowers (10/03/05)
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TITLE: Flower of the Unseen | Previous Challenge Entry
By Mandy Skeen
10/03/05 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Beauty that long awaited my attention
Bright colors illuminated
A world I’ve never seen
A longing to be a part
Of a field with grass so green
And a need to feel the beauty
Of the flowers of the field
I invited myself to take a look
Closer into the unknown
And of a hundred vibrant flowers
One stood all alone
This lonely withered flower
Had seen its better days
When the sun shone brightly on it
And living meant better things
Straight it stood with deadly colors
And a brightness no longer seen
A little life remained here
In this flower of the unseen
I picked it up and held it
As tears fell down my face
A beauty once resounded here
Now leaves fold in silent grace
God’s presence quietly stood here
As this flower faded away
And although it was only a flower
God took time to stay
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Walking, I noticed beauty
Suggestions:-
I think the poem needs more work, particularly to eradicate repeated words. Poem would have more impact. I particulary liked the last three verses.
e.g.
Walking, I noticed beauty
That long awaited my attention.
I think the poem is worthy of more work. A little awkward at present. Lovely though. Gabrielle.
It is always a good idea to read through your poetry and cut anything you can do without. Prune -- as Jesus said His Father did of the branches that did not bear fruit.
I feel the poem is worthy of more work, and that it can become a gem. Lovely,
Jeanette