Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Conversation (face to face) (10/07/10)
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TITLE: Hi God | Previous Challenge Entry
By Brian Haugrud
10/08/10 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Im so glad that I,m here.
At Your door here I stand.
You’ve been part of my life,
Part of my big plan.
I have read all Your Words,
From the Book You inspired.
I have worked very hard,
And the poor I have hired.
I’ve attended the worship,
At Your house every week.
I have put so much money,
In the plate for the meek.
I have walked many streets,
So that babies won’t die.
I have given some cloths,
To the needy passing by.
I have sacrificed some,
When I had enough.
I have left and inheritance,
To the ones that I bluff.
And God finally said, “STOP”.
I can’t hear anymore.
I am so sick and tired,
Of the way you keep score.
I have only one question,
That I will ask of you.
Did you know My Son Jesus,
And does He know you too?
For He is the Gatekeeper,
Of this door where you stand.
Will He vouch for you,
And will He take your hand?
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How easy it is for us to get caught up in all of our well-meaning activities and forget the source of all goodness. Great poem.
I can’t hear anymore.
I am so sick and tired,
Of the way you keep score.
Sobering. Thanks for writing.
The ending is a great reminder that many of us need. It's easy to think keeping score will matter. Great message.
Consider working on rhymes--don't force a rhyme, and look for more complex, interesting rhymes. This may be slightly off-topic, as conversations with God (until we're in heaven) aren't really face to face.
Your meter is very good, and the pacing really works with your subject. I enjoyed this poem.