The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
It's an interesting story. There were a few points I didn't get. I think you could help in that respect by showing what happened. Have the people present and use quotes. I believe you have something important to say and I don't want anyone to miss your message. You have a nice dry sense of humor and I found myself smiling at several lines. Keep writing!
Your story has a whimsical style that reminds me of what you would see in one of those short films. A lesson imbedded in a lesson. I agree with the previous comment. Your writing style causes the reader to slow down and pay attention. One lesson I picked up on is that things are not always what they seem to be. Keep writing!