The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I loved the title and the story. We are all sojourners traveling towards our permanent home. Thank you for a very gripping story. Keep writing and God bless.
Interesting plot idea. Unusual take on the story.
Very well crafted and plotted. Not easy to do in 750 words. I liked the dialogue as well and finding the bread at the end...well, that just shows a great writer's instincts.
Very original take on the topic. In the middle you used a lot of commas and that made it a little difficult for me to read. But the fantasy of the story is a wonderful idea and quite an unique take on the topic. I can feel that you put your heart into this story and it definitely shows your passion.
A very creative entry! Great job!
You did a great job on this topic - creative and captivating, and not too far out of the box at all. A few punctuation and grammar tweaks would make this piece shine. I enjoyed the reader's adventure, and the ending was inspired. :)
Wonderful! Extremely creative and so enjoyable. Love this!
I loved the approach you took with this. Very original and out-of-the-box.

I agree that cramming this much in 750 words would be difficult, but you did it quite well. I did get lost a couple times during the dialogue trying to figure out who was saying what, but a second read through made it clear to me. Probably because my head has been in a fog today not because you didn't write clearly.

I look forward to reading more of your writing. You definitely have talent. Thanks for sharing this with us. :)
What a great imagination. I read your profile, and I certainly am encouraging you to follow the career of writing that you have chosen. You have what it takes. Persevere...I did, and let me tell you, it feels great to have accomplished at least PART of a childhood dream, to be a published author...Thanks for commenting on my Challenge article...Helen
Congratulations in placing in the top 9 of your level. Good job!
Thank you for commenting on my article this week. I just read yours, and I really like it. I just wrote a "going-back-in-time-and-meeting-a-biblical-character story myself, so I know how hard they are to write. Good job! :)
I loved the imagery, and how you've crafted your words so well. Writing fiction and characterization from and within a Biblical account is difficult to do. It takes study and concentration to be consistent with the MC's POV is hard. You did a great job in your writing this. I'd love to read more of your writings. God bless you, fellow-writer! Congratulations on placing in the "Highest Rankings" Well done.
This is very creative with some delightful insights.
I did notice one anachronism in that you had Paul referring to someone visiting from the 21st century. The practice of dating events from the birth of Christ didn't start until the middle ages. Paul would more likely have dated events from the founding of Rome. I appreciate that your story is based on a dream but it's maybe something you can watch out for in the future.