The Official Writing Challenge
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Very descriptive writing! I enjoyed this slightly spooky, eerie story!
You have very descriptive writing. I know when we have a limited word count, it can be tough to really delve into a story, but I think this would be even more engaging to read if there were dialogue added to it. Even so, I think your piece is high quality.
I assume the "Shhh..." topic comes in as a "Hush, Hush" from the parents, right? Although not a fan of Fiction myself, I'm sure those that are fans were delighted with this fascinating page turner. (*.*) It was, however, very well written.
Very clever and entertaing story. I struggled to find the tie in to the topic. I also agree that dialogue would add interest. Nevertheless, I enjoyed your creativity in this very fine piece.
Very interesting read. You did a spectacular job with the story. I'm not a fan of scary stories, but very well written.
I wish I could say something nice about this story but I can't. I would like to say nothing but that wouldn't be fair either. 1) the topic was not addressed at all 2.) this is a Christian site and Christian do not believe in vampires or mummies (if used used to frighten) 3)the writing had many run-ons without punctuation. Other than the imagination used to create this, it was not an enjoyable read.
Great title--drew me right to this piece!

There's a lot of "telling" and not as much "showing" in this story. Dialog would help, as would deeper characterization.

I'd also urge you to consider your audience.

Your writing shows considerable potential, and I hope you'll stick it out and keep stretching and growing!