The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Sweet story. Would have made easier reading if there was a double space between your paragraphs. I liked your MC.
You really brought across the emotions of your MC, and the simple raw exhaustion too. I'm not sure how much it has to do with Asia (You have very few details about the actual trip which distinguish it from say Africa or South America.) None the less you did a great job of making your characters very human.
By the way, don't forget to read some of the other stories in Intermediates and leave feedback. Let's all help one another.
Your story drew me in and I felt the pain of your MC. I needed to keep reading to find out what she was grieving over. Good job!
Wow, that was not the ending I was expecting. Great writing....chilling story.
Thank you for a beautifully written story. I love happy endings and you did a great job in the telling.
Nice story. I wanted to know if she finished her mission trip in Hong Kong or not!
One thing I want to know is why Corbet felt the need to hide his relationship with Azure in the first place? Other than that, this was a very moving story. I'm glad he came around in the end. The emotion of Azure was vivid and well-written.
I personally would love to see this expanded and the ending played out with as much emotional connection as in the beginning. (Strictly my opinion of course.)
This story moves along with a quick pace with some very real emotions and situations expressed in a promising way.

I think this article would be greatly enhanced by the proper use of writing dialogue and punctuation. It helps the reader move through the piece and get into the meat of the story. EB White's "The Elements of Style" is a great little book to have around for reference.

You handled the situations of the characters and their subsequent reactions in a compelling way.