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Topic: Telephone (07/17/08)
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TITLE: Please Call Me - Just Be Careful What You Call Me..., | Previous Challenge Entry
By Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark
07/24/08 -
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When Mark and I first came to the Lord, we confessed our sins against Joe and against God in our adultery. We were forgiven by God through Jesus.
We were shocked to hear that since we REMAINED together through marriage - we proved unrepentant, still committing adultery.
Their decision? Divorce Mark and go back to Joe.
My head's spinning. Would Joe TAKE me back? Would Mark let me go?
If I return to Joe, I wouldn't be a "suffering martyr". I'd be a true, devoted, loving wife - through Christ, repentant, with my torn heart open to love Joe. Would Joe loved me again? Did he ever? Does it even matter?
I'm a new woman, I can no longer endure the pornographic movies and books he made me view. I pray Joe would understand.
Mark and I remain physically apart until this is settled. We won't displease GOD through our adultery. This must be Biblically resolved.
Why did Joe divorce me? It would shock him to find me perched on his doorstep! Almost hilarious! Bible in hand!
All I can offer Joe is an end to his loneliness - companionship with love.
Mark wouldn't withdraw his friendship - he would never be a threat to us.
How will Joe react? Anger? Confusion? Hope?
What to do? If Mark and I aren't married in God's eyes - why divorce? If Joe and I ARE married in God's eyes, why remarry?
I've sinned against God, Mark and Joe - and me. I've treated this "temple of God" trashily. I was a fornicator, an adulteress.
I want a fairy tale ending. Would returning to Joe provide him with his?
I pray the Holy Spirit resides in me. When I am depressed, I ignore His pleadings - how much longer will God contend with me?
I pray this humbling situation will redound to God's glory. I truly believe God put Joe and me together - I just wasn't prepared to be his wife.
Mark promises that he will wait for me - no matter how long it takes.
God gives me strength through the grace of Jesus to be able to love them both.
How to convince Joe that I love him? And that I would be a good wife to him - after I broke my first promise to him? He may reject me again. I mustn't allow foolish pride to stand against God's will. Oh Lord - I so need your strength and compassion!
I explained the love I had and still have for Joe to Mark last night. A mother for a son. That is what Joe wanted.
I caused Joe, Mark and myself to be caught in this entanglement of adultery. When Joe said he was going to divorce me. I became an adulteresst, looking for "love and confirmation of my womanhood". I was a thirty year old virgin despite five years of marriage. His rejection pushed me to numerous suicide attempts.
Fool. I was raised to know the 10 Commandments - WHAT WAS I THINKING?
The telephone rings. Joe tells us he received our letter. Congratulates us on thirty years of marriage. Wants to know if we happy. Forgives us/me/we. Gives us his blessing. Turns me over to Mark's authority.
Thank you for your invention, Alexander Graham Bell. Thank you for your loving compassion and forgiveness, Joe. Thank you - YHWH Eloheim, my Savior - Jesus the Christ - the Messiah, my Life - and Your Holy Spirit Who blesses and enlightens even the foolish in their folly.
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I do believe you could continue to write on this subject, so misunderstood in the church, and be a great blessing to many victims of church abuse. Many churches would support you through such a horrendous experience.