Desire - please ask one who knows | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: Desire - please ask one who knows | Previous Challenge Entry
By Alana Cyberberg
01/24/05
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I began with the notion that in my youth there was a spark. It was there that I felt longing and felt desire in my heart and this I thought today. As I begin to write tonight I know in full reality that I know very little at all. I’m beginning to think ‘have I ever known desire’ if it be in a measure on a universal scale. I tell you now as tears stream down my face I don’t know it nor have I. First I thought desire was in a school yard. Worse I thought at most it is there that it began. I tell you now I have never felt it nor have I known it and maybe I never will. For the desire I am thinking of is a desire in your deepest soul. This circumstance it begs of me do not use ‘soul’ nonchalantly.

I ask a woman in a football stadium, a woman who can not see because her garment shields her eyes; she thought she would be punished with a beating and then freed. Now she hears a gunshot and the first has fallen down. He comes to her, the people cheer, she runs a little away, to where can she go she is surrounded in a pitch? He kneels her down and aims the rifle, in all the cheering crowd, a shot is heard then two and she is dead.

I ask a woman who is the daughter of a preacher. A gang of certain worshipers, I will not speak his name, take her often and use her in their rituals and sacrifices. She is afraid she will be murdered if she tells a single soul and one of these sacrifices is that of her son. She is placed down on concrete slabs tied by the hands and tied by the feet and they kill her child but worse on her.

I ask a twelve year old boy all his family have died in an Auschwitz crematorium. He is starving, he is surrounded by death and his own is only in time. These are the worst things that I have ever seen on a T.V. screen. I regret even writing them now but an hour ago I saw, but never truly saw, an Auschwitz memorial film and it makes me question with much sorrow what if I asked these people what their desires were? And I dare to say a schoolyard crush.

Nevertheless now I must take leave because how ever dark life is and Lord it can seem very dark at times oh I know that You defeated the dark. The One who suffered most, in You Oh Lord, You are the light and let us dwell in Light. What has mankind ever achieved in the dark only to know that we need light? Love oh Lord love hate has tried and it still tries but yet and yet what do mothers feel when they have brought forth human life? What do liberated captives feel when they see their spouses again? What do couples feel when there standing at the alter? And what do we feel when parents pass away? Love we come into the world with it and we mourn when it is is gone. We don’t mourn hate and it’s rare to find a family when a child is born they hate the whole and entire moment.

Love… never fading, never born and never lost. A thousand love songs and a thousand poems all dedicated to that one resounding syllable. It’s a universal language in a smile and in a hug and in a kiss and in a thousand other actions that I term ‘I can’t convey’ no I could never convey what I know very little about, even to try is a mockery in itself. How can I describe what as of yet I have never known? This I can only leave to those who know its depths, those who know through sorrow how and what it is to love.

“A thought transfixed me; for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth that- love is the ultimate goal to which man can aspire… I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world may still no bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved” – Viktor Frankl

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