Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Surprised (09/06/07)
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TITLE: Fruit Games | Previous Challenge Entry
By Genstacia Bull
09/13/07 -
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“But that is not fair; daddy always lets me have a sweet if I am good. I packed my toes away and I finished my drawing.” Samantha pouted.
Jean could not help but smile, no wonder she always got her way with Greg. She looked so adorable even in the middle of a pretend sulk. Her auburn ponytail was tied up in a blue satin ribbon and her feet clad in a blue and white check play shoes dangling from the high stool she was sitting in.
If Samantha did not get her way it was not ‘fair’ and Jean knew that as an only child she was at risk of becoming a little self centred brat if she does not grasp that no means no.
“Samantha you have already eaten two sweeties and a mini mars bar that is enough sugar for one day. Are you hungry, do you want some fruits instead?”
“Yuk, I hate fruits they make my tummy hurt.” She pulled a face, stuck out her tongue and put her finger in her mouth.
“Samantha!”
She giggled. “Mum can I go play with Sonia next door.
Jean stroked the top of her head, her hair felt silky under her hand. “Yes I shall take you next door and tell Sonia’s mum you are not allowed anymore sweets today.”
“Wait. Let me get my new Barbie.” Samantha darted off in a faster than average speed for a five year old.
Jean was speechless it was getting more of a challenge keeping up to her boundless energy.
The shrill of the door bell jolted her out of her thoughts. Seven year old Sonia clad in jeans and a red t-shirt was standing at the door.
“Sonia we were just heading off to see you, come in darling.”
“I brought some grapes and strawberries. We count them, give them names and then eat them.”
Jean’s mouth fell open.
Sonia did not seem to even notice “It’s our favourite game Mrs Smith, Sam loves grapes.”
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Some of your dialogue came across as not quite the way a five-year-old would speak, and some of your sentences were run-ons. Some minor adjustments would add to the charm of this already very appealing story.