The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
A great message here. Dividing your story into more paragraphs, and spacing them out, would make this a bit more readable. I love the "coincidence" of the lifeguard sermon.
You've got an imagination and the talent to carry it out to hungry readers. You do need to break up your paragraphs to be more reader friendly. Also,there are a few grammatical errors, but those can easily be fixed. Keep writing! I'll look forward to more imaginative tales from you!
Desperately needs paragraphing in order to make it "reader friendly"; but keep on trying...practice makes perfect eventually. Good luck and God Bless.
No need repeating what the reviewers before said, except yours was a creative way of sending your message. Good job.