The Official Writing Challenge
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Like your angle on the subject, but I would have developed a stronger ending,and I would have started the story with your best tie in to the theme: "As he read it he began to think of what it would be like to storm the gates of Hell, the immense heat, the flames..." This would have drawn me in sooner...
I'm sorry, but I can't see the connection between the opening scripture verse ('the gates of hell will not prevail') and the story (storming the gates of hell). As a result, the story loses its point a bit for me. And I'm left wondering what the purpose of storming hell's gates would be. It's not like we can rescue anyone.