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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Soul (07/13/06)
“You have miserably failed this assignment, Demetrias! Your existence will die without the souls! Do you not understand? We cannot exist without the possession of the human souls, you are fully aware of the consequences! You know we are only spirit beings. Therefore, you must get back to your work at once! Now leave me, go to earth to fulfill your duties, you are far below your quota! Hurry, before Lucifer hears of your disobedience and sends you forever to the pit! Go!” Darius, the chief demon charged.

Demetrias slithered disgracefully away, back to the sphere of human existence. He was not sure he even cared anymore but knew this was his purpose, his only existence......now. How he wished he had not followed Lucifer from heaven! He remembered the days of old when the true living God was his reason for being. How His light and glory shined on all the angels! How His love radiated throughout the realms of heaven!

I was fooled by Lucifer, we all were. He’s the father of lies! I wish I could repent to the true and living God. Oh, to go back to heaven and bask in the glory of the Son. Oh, to feel His warmth again….

But he knew it could never be. He felt nothing now but coldness, hate and empty despair. He was constantly being pushed to take possession of more souls. There was never enough, Lucifer was never content. His greed and quest for power over the humans was insatiable.

Demetrias’ last victims had been hard. He usually didn’t have any trouble with humans. Most are very weak and gullible. They easily fall prey to the demon’s enticements. But he‘d been badly discouraged with this assignment. It was a teenage girl and her single mother. At first, things were going well. He lured the girl into alcohol, a few experiments with drugs….. he almost had her. Her mother was a new Christian. Demetrias‘ assignment was actually to get the mother through her child. If he could possess the child first, the mother would be easy prey.

The mother was weak - a babe in Christianity.. Darius promised she’d crack when faced with the rebellion of the child. She’d go back to the alcohol and despair from which she came. It almost worked, too. It was the night Demetrias invaded the soul of the girl to take full possession. She was out late with friends, had been drinking heavily and smoking an illegal substance. She had even given up her virginity to another young possession of the demons. When arriving home the mother was furious and there was a fight - horrible words were said by the girl to her mother. She displayed rebellion to the utmost then fell into bed and was quickly numbed unconscious from the drugs.

Demetrias was gleeful, his plan was working!

The mother was trembling at the sight of her daughter, she was beginning to doubt her God. She went to the cupboard for alcohol, “that’s right, Demetrias cooed “drown your sorrows, you pitiful human……..You are so weak! Where is your God now? How could He let this happen to you, when you have been so faithful to Him?”

The mother was wavering, crying uncontrollably and clenching her fists until her fingernails brought blood to her palms. Upon seeing her blood-stained hands reaching to the cupboard, she remembered……....Him.

She remembered everything He had done for her. Her strength was being renewed as she began to pray in her heart.

To Demtrias’ surprise, the mother began to fight back! She marched to the bedroom and actually laid her hands on the girl: “Devil spirit, I command you to depart from my daughter, leave her soul this instant! In the name of my precious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! Depart, I say!” she had screamed with tears streaming down her face.

Demetrias had no choice but to retreat. He’d not foreseen this. The very name of the Holy Son had been excruciatingly painful. It had weakened him immensely. He began to doubt his own purpose of existence. He quickly left the girl, shamefully ascending back to hear Darius’ retribution.

Now he’d been sent again. It was hopeless and he knew it. He was tired of fighting for the souls....He couldn’t fight the Holy Son anymore. Soaring through the atmosphere, Demetrias knew what he had to do. At the very thought of the unthinkable, his demon spirit diminished and was thrown into the pit, forever.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Joanne Sher 
07/20/06
Great description here - I could picture this in my mind's eye so clearly! Got a little lost in your first paragraph, but otherwise a great read!
Angela Logsdon
07/21/06
Powerful and creative description. Reminds me of "The Screwtape Letters".
Deborah Bauers
07/22/06
This is a different twist. How sad, but true that angels do not have souls and are unable to repent. I'm wondering if it is realistic that a new baby Christian would speak with such authority to a demon? I know that the power of the H.S. is certainly available, but taking on a demon is a very formidable thing that even a seasoned believer will only entertain after much prayer. Perhaps the mother could be a Christian that once tasted of the power of God, but has backslidden...just thinking out loud with you. Great story, though!
Millicent Pat-Nwaoyo
07/24/06
Great work! A good read. Thank you.
Sherril Wendling
08/04/06
Superb creativity, Julia! Your prose is alive and kicking--I loved it.

I think Paragraph Five is your best opening for this piece. You want your reader to enter the story as quickly as possible. Paragraphs 2, 3, and 4 could me most effectively used further toward the end, so the remorse and futile longing of the failed demon build up in chronological sequence to his self-destruction.

Great job! I'd love to see you flesh out the story with a bit more suspense, do a tad more polishing, and get this published as a short story of Christian fiction. (A short story generally runs about 3,000 words or more.)

Don't ever stop writing--you've got what it takes!