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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: ENTERTAIN (04/27/17)
It was dawn, she quietly groaned and moaned as she struggled to pull herself up from her bed. Not even 25 years old, the beautiful woman looked much older given the years of stress and strain that motherhood and her “side job” had taken on her body. She quietly slipped out into the cool, morning air and headed to the village to gather water for her family. She was focused on her “to do” list for the day;

“Draw water, prepare bread and cheese, gather and prepare figs…., take Joseph, Deborah, Joshua, and Abigail to daycare, get my mourning clothes ready….”



She was exhausted thinking about all that needed to be done. Her husband a busy member of the Pharisees, wasn’t going to help her; a lot of his time these days was spent trying to discredit that new prophet from Nazareth she had been hearing about.



She brushed off thoughts of that guy. Many so-called prophets had come through the area over the years …none of them were anything more than just loud voices. She sighed deeply as the summer sun eased its way into the sky as she got her family up, fed and out the door. Today was going to be especially tough on her; crying on command was not easy; it was like trying to scream while thinking the saddest thoughts you could imagine….she shook her head slowly wondering, “How did she even get here?” She could be doing other worthwhile things. The days of being noticed and envied by her peers were long gone, and on this muggy, cloudless day, she really did not know WHY she was still a part of the town “entertainment”? She always left feeling so very empty and alone. She covered her long, brown hair with her head piece, wrapped up in her black garments, slid on her well-worn sandals and hustled to the west end of town where the most well-known citizens lived. She met up with her “co-workers” and after a minute or two, started to “channel” the darkest thoughts, feelings and memories she could think of.



It wouldn’t be long before the father of the dead little girl showed up with his wife and family members on their way to the gravesite. The woman and her group would need to have fake tears flowing and wailing needed to be at full blast. The father was very well known which meant a BIG crowd would be on hand to watch and mourn as well.



“Here he comes!” one of her fellow workers said.



As they drew closer to her group, the woman and the others cried harder and moaned and groaned louder….until she heard a louder, sharper, a much deeper man’s voice; almost like a thunderclap.



“Stop all that crying and groaning!” Why do you carry on like this? That little girl is NOT dead! She’s just asleep!”



The woman knew it was him, the prophet, but it was hard to focus because people had actually stopped all the “noise” and started to ridicule the man! After all, that little girl was dead yesterday! The town doctor had confirmed it, and you didn’t hire a team of mourners for someone taking a nap now did you?

Asleep? Yeah, right!



“It CAN’T BE!” someone yelled out.



What the woman saw next changed her life instantly and forever. It was the prophet, carrying the little girl in His arms. And that little girl was smiling, laughing, alive! And hugging the prophet with all the strength her little arms could muster!



The woman could NOT believe it! Yesterday, that little girl was lying on a bed, covered in a death sheet, skin, gray and cold as the stones in the countryside. TODAY! Her little voice was filled with love as she thanked the prophet over and over and over again!



The woman’s eyes locked for an instant with the prophet who had returned this little girl to her grieving father. She saw compassion, love, power and…..Authority! She also saw great sorrow, and pain. She suddenly felt the need to dive face first into the dust and stay there….when she did look up, the prophet and His followers were leaving the rich man’s courtyard…she could barely see Him through all the real tears that now flooded her eyes…



She knew one thing; today was her last day as an entertainer.



There was something else far more important for her to do.



She wondered if He was hiring?
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This article has been read 469 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Karen Emmer
05/04/17
Nicely done and well written. A few sentences had words that didn't match with the era, and few grammatical errors. But overall, it had good flow.
Betty Overstreet
05/04/17
Very interesting version of the story! Your writing is, very professional, artistic,soul reaching--what can I say-I really enjoyed it!
Marilyn Klunder
05/04/17
This kept my attention all the way through. Very well written and a nice flow. Excellent!
C D Swanson 
05/05/17
Excellent story and well done. I had to take another look to see if I was in "the beginner" category...I suspect you won't be in here much longer.

Well done.

Blessings~
Phillip Cimei
05/07/17
A very good take on this story. I agree that you will soon move up into a higher writing level.

I think some of the paragraphs could have been shorter and maybe some dialogue inserted to give it more life and better flow. Enjoyed it. God bless.
Bryan Rudolph
05/12/17
Oh, oh, oh, . . . I saw it all. Yes, I saw it all. I was right there, you brought me right into it all. Oh, what pleasure! Thank you. Were you on topic, mmmm . . . less sure about that. Could you have tighten up some of those sentences a bit more . . . possibly. But, this is reaching because really you are one good writer. I don’t like to read, but I can hardly wait to make an exception for your next entry.
Bryan Rudolph
05/12/17
Oh, oh, oh, . . . I saw it all. Yes, I saw it all. I was right there, you brought me right into it all. Oh, what pleasure! Thank you. Were you on topic, mmmm . . . less sure about that. Could you have tighten up some of those sentences a bit more . . . possibly. But, this is reaching because really you are one good writer. I don’t like to read, but I can hardly wait to make an exception for your next entry.
Bonnie Bowden 
05/12/17
Congratulations on winning 2nd place in the Beginners category, James.

Your story was a well written retelling of a Bible story. My one suggestion would be to add more dialog in the beginning; it seemed like the MC was telling us too much backstory.