Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: ROAD TRIP (vacation) (07/02/15)
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TITLE: Can I Make It Up That Mountain? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Julie Blackman
07/09/15 -
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I’ve made up my mind—I’m not making that drive up to Jerome again anytime soon. Curvy roads, sharp turns, or steep drop offs are not particularly my cup of tea. So it’s surprising that I neglected to conduct some research into what to expect for this short trip. For some reason, I assumed that it couldn’t be that bad, since I survived the two hour drive through the mountains to Sedona, on Arizona State Route 89A. Jerome is a mere 40 plus minutes away. I’d already accomplished a few thousand feet in elevation to get to Sedona. It should be an easy journey. The one thing I didn’t count on was a few hundred extra feet in elevation. Looking back, even if I had done the research, I would have probably talked myself into the drive because the rationale would’ve been, what’s another few hundred feet?
For the entire ascent up the mountain to Jerome, I prayed, “dear God help me.” Due to the hairpin turns, I couldn’t see what was coming around the corner. No way was I going to show fear to my family members in the car. On the other hand, I thought to myself, why not let the pride go. Shout from the mountain tops that you made a mistake and turnaround as soon as possible. Well, unfortunately, that was not an option: there is only one road in and one road out of town. I was forced to keep going. I had one option: draw on my faith in God to help me, and grip the steering wheel for the remainder of the drive.
When we finally made it to our destination, I shouted, “Thank you Jesus!” My shoulders released immediately as the weight of fear subsided. Even though I knew it would be another terrifying drive down the mountain back to the hotel, I refused to think about it. Why panic now? There would be plenty of time for that.
Five key takeaways come to mind from this trip. First, we must “live by faith, not by sight,” (2 Corinthians 5:7, NIV). We won’t always know what is in our future, but our life is in God’s almighty hands. Second, when we are afraid simply call on the name of the Lord, He is our refuge and strength” (Psalm 46:1-2, NIV). Third, don’t neglect praying continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17, NIV). This is an essential attribute that we need to ensure is part of our walk with Christ. It will help us to develop a deeper relationship with Him. Fourth, before making any decisions, consult God first and He’ll direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV). Finally, don’t give up. We can accomplish anything through Christ and we’ll want to be able to say like Paul that we fought the good fight and kept the faith (Philippians 4:13 and 2 Timothy 4:7, NIV).
So no matter what you’re going through, know that God, can help and will bring you out safely on the other side of your challenges. Dear friends, God is sovereign and rules over all. He is in control of everything—so trust Him (Psalm 103:19, NIV).
Can I make it up any mountains that I’ll face in this life’s journey? With Christ, yes I can, and there is no need to fear!
Nonfiction- Encouragement
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I would encourage you to avoid clichés like cup of tea. Instead show the reader why you don't like it with something like this: Sweat beaded on my forehead as I cranked the steering wheel to the right and then spun it back around in order to avoid crashing over the side of the windy mountain road. Wanting to pray, I closed my eyes for a millisecond. I immediately heard God shout, "I appreciate the respect, but keep your eyes on the road!"
I sense you have a delightful sense of humor and irony so I added the last part to show how you could add humor while creating a picture for the reader.
The next red ink is just my opinion. I know not everyone will agree with me. Personally, I like to keep the voice consistent. At the end, you switched from first to second person. Sometimes that can feel preachy to me. If you'd stayed in the first person, I believe it would have felt more intimate to me, like a good friend sharing her wisdom. This is one way you could fix it (if you agreed): I thought about five key things I learned on this trip. First, I must “live by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV). I won’t always know what the future holds, but I know God's almighty hands always hold me.
With that said, I do want to stress I think you did a wonderful job. Many people missed the essence of the topic this week in my opinion, but you nailed the topic and gave the reader several things to think about. You did a great job of sprinkling humor throughout. The transitions, for the most part, were smooth and seamless. This was a delightful way to say good morning to a new day and I'm going to try to keep your reminders in my brain. I believe I'll write one or two of your key points on my window to remind me when the elevation in my whirling mind becomes overwhelming. I look forward to reading more of your work.