The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/10/15
Truth abounds in your piece with a powerful message indeed!

God bless~
I really enjoyed this encouraging article. I think you did a wonderful job of writing on topic while delivering an important message.

I would encourage you to avoid clichés like cup of tea. Instead show the reader why you don't like it with something like this: Sweat beaded on my forehead as I cranked the steering wheel to the right and then spun it back around in order to avoid crashing over the side of the windy mountain road. Wanting to pray, I closed my eyes for a millisecond. I immediately heard God shout, "I appreciate the respect, but keep your eyes on the road!"
I sense you have a delightful sense of humor and irony so I added the last part to show how you could add humor while creating a picture for the reader.

The next red ink is just my opinion. I know not everyone will agree with me. Personally, I like to keep the voice consistent. At the end, you switched from first to second person. Sometimes that can feel preachy to me. If you'd stayed in the first person, I believe it would have felt more intimate to me, like a good friend sharing her wisdom. This is one way you could fix it (if you agreed): I thought about five key things I learned on this trip. First, I must “live by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV). I won’t always know what the future holds, but I know God's almighty hands always hold me.

With that said, I do want to stress I think you did a wonderful job. Many people missed the essence of the topic this week in my opinion, but you nailed the topic and gave the reader several things to think about. You did a great job of sprinkling humor throughout. The transitions, for the most part, were smooth and seamless. This was a delightful way to say good morning to a new day and I'm going to try to keep your reminders in my brain. I believe I'll write one or two of your key points on my window to remind me when the elevation in my whirling mind becomes overwhelming. I look forward to reading more of your work.
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