Letting Go | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: Letting Go | Previous Challenge Entry
By Janet Richey
03/18/15
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I didn’t plan on having any kids. I was going to get my degree in

creative writing, marry a man with money and allow him to support me

until the royalties from my first novel came rolling in. And not

necessarily in that order.

So how did I end up here, on this college campus with shrine-like

buildings and smiling nuns rushing about? Who is this man, with the

salt-and-pepper hair, wearing an indecipherable expression across his

face? Why does this girl, who bears a remarkable resemblance to myself,

keep calling me Mom? And how can I articulate this overwhelming fear

that I am about to have my heart broken?

It wasn’t love at first sight, but it was pretty close. We got married

at a small bed-and-breakfast surrounded by our family, and moved into a

two-bedroom apartment. Then, out of nowhere, we were parents. Among

other things, parenthood changed the way we marked time, and it changed

the speed at which time passed. Instead of counting the days until our

next promotion or big vacation, we filled our calendars with first steps,

first words, birthdays, music recitals, soccer games and marching band

competitions. And now, in the blink of eye, we’re about to send our

first-born to a college that might as well be on another planet.

It was love at first sight when I held her in the delivery room. I had

never held an infant before, so instinctively, I looked into her blue

eyes, and softly talked about her family and the things she had to look

forward to.

As she grew, she took the best and worst of both her dad and I, and

molded it into her own. Her countless mistakes and crushing

disappointments have been eclipsed not so much by the quantity of her

successes, but the depth in which they’ve been felt. She is a black and

white thinker, this daughter of mine, and some of the toughest work I’ve

ever done was giving her a sense of balance, talking her off cliffs,

correcting her without crushing her spirit, and encouraging her without

bloating her sense of self-worth.

And now I’m supposed to let her go? Whose idea was that?

Psalms 127:3 states that children are a heritage from the Lord. Matthew

19:5 reads that a man will leave his parents and cling to his wife. The

Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away? Snarkiness aside, I believe that

God blesses us with children to enrich our lives and to teach us things

that no other circumstance could. He commands us to teach our children

to love and honor Him with all their hearts and to follow His

commandments. And then, He wants them back, so that they will glorify

Him, and train up the next generation.

While the very idea of leaving my daughter at some college dorm makes my

toes curl, I am in awe of God’s master plan. Over the course of her

eighteen years, we’ve been letting go, little by little. From getting on

the bus for the first time, to weekend church retreats, to watching her

drive herself to school the first day of her senior year, it all leads up

to that day when she leaves us. More than that, God has watched over

her for the past eighteen years, and I trust that He will never stop

guiding her. She’s been on-loan to us for eighteen years, and soon it

will be time to give her over completely to Him.

Sometimes, love means letting go.

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