Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Rest (01/17/13)
-
TITLE: Kidnapped | Previous Challenge Entry
By Deborah Sampson
01/23/13 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
“Shut-up Darcie, set down and rest. You will need it, we aren’t done climbing yet!” Now sit,” I said.”
Darcie sat on the rock as he commanded. She didn’t want to make him mad. She didn’t know him well, only what people said in their small town. How Daniel was a loner. He had no family; He worked part-time at Jeeter’s Service station. Why had he kidnapped her?
“Get up girl, we need to go!”
Darcie immediately arose. “I’m ready,” she spoke barely above a whisper.
It had already been seven hours since he abducted her. Her parents or Adam would be worried. They wouldn’t know much about this ordeal, unless someone saw Daniel.
She only prayed that someone did, she knew God was with her, but not all circumstances turned out good.
Darcie looked up; a small cabin loomed before them.
“Come on Darcie, We are here. He unlocked the old door. “Get in there!”
Darcie couldn’t help but bulk at the command, so many terrible thoughts loomed before her.
“I said get in there.” He shoved her inside. Get over there and sit in that chair. Don’t give me any trouble. He looked at her. “I’ll get a fire started.”
For the first time Darcie glance around the room. Wood was placed by the fireplace. Can food sat on the open shelves, and an old sink in the corner. He must have been planning this- - wait, over the head of the twin bed in the corner had twenty or so pictures taped there, all of her. This terrified Darcie, she had to stifle her scream.
Daniel stood up from making the fire. “Darcie, you are going to like it here. I have longed for this moment; I have watched you for months. You’re beautiful, you are always smiling, you care, you even smiled and said hello to me.”
Darcie just stared at him.
“Don’t you remember?” you had a flat tire on your bike; I fixed it for you for free.”
“That was months ago, Daniel, I am not any different to anyone I meet, God wants us to be kind to people. He is the reason for our kindness.” She saw a flicker in his eyes, he
quickly turned away.
“I’ll get us some food.”
It was then Darcie caught a glimpse of the gun he had.
As he opened the soup, Daniel asked her about Adam.
“Adam is who I am planning to marry in June.”
Daniel just hissed out the next words. “Shut-up! That’s not going to happen.” He slapped his hand on the wooden table. “Get over here, so you can eat!”
Darcie came immediately; she didn’t want to anger him further.
“Now eat!”
She could hardly get the soup down. Afterwards he commanded her to the other twin bed in the room. You sleep there tonight; tomorrow you’ll sleep with me. There’s the bathroom, there’s no lock, no window and you got five minutes.” he smiled an ugly grin.
Upon her coming out, Daniel had calmed down and handed her an extra blanket. “See you in the morning.”
Darcie quickly got under the covers. Her heart was still pounding hard. “Oh dear God, please help me, I need you. Please surround me with your love, and protection, I pray. Amen.”
The cabin became quiet, moonlight flooded the room. For hours she tried to sleep. She heard Daniel snoring softly.
Just then, she heard a thump on the porch as the front door busted open.
“Freeze, don’t move.”
Daniel lunged with his gun in his hand.
“Drop it kid, now!” Daniel went straight for them. The sheriff shot Daniel in the chest.
Daniel moaned as he fell, “Darcie, I’m sorry, don’t hate me. If I can’t have you, then I
want to die.” Darcie felt pity for this young man.
The deputy radioed for an ambulance. “He’ll make it.”
“Are you hurt Darcie? The Sheriff asked.
Darcie felt lightheaded, she grabbed the chair. “No, her tears were flowing, how did you find us so quickly?”
“Naomi Fetters saw the whole thing and watched in the way he went, so we setup a search party which led us to here, Daniel’s family owned it. Your family has been notified. Soon this ordeal will be over.”
Darcie sighed, after this, she just wanted to rest in the arms of her Lord, and in all things give Him thanks.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
The faith of the MC was evident throughout and I loved the way she rested in the arms of the Lord at the end. Good job and keep writing. God Bless
There are a few places that could use a couple of "tweaks." For example, he "placed the wood by the fireplace" uses "place" or a form of it twice in quick succession. He probably should have "put" the wood by the fireplace. It may seem a bit boring, but it fits better in this instance.
Great job with this. You had me wondering what was going to happen next the whole time. Nice job.
Great imagination, wonderful job. God bless~
There were some tiny errors like missing or additional quotations marks. I also saw you started telling this in first person (I) then switched to third person (him)
The fast pace of this story matched the intensity of the story. I think you have a knack for story telling. This was a fantastic read.
filled tale. I noticed just a couple spelling errors. And the "Can food" I thought would sound better as "canned" food. It displayed the strength we gain through faith, even in the presence of fear. And you make your readers fear for your MC, Drawing us in. Good job.