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Topic: Park (10/25/12)
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TITLE: Penalty for Love. | Previous Challenge Entry
By Olawale Ogunsola
10/30/12 -
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She and her friend Solomon had attracted other young people from everywhere, even internationally, to Lato where Life Amusement Park, which they had co-founded some years earlier was located.
With government support and patronage, whatever they touched seemed to turn to gold- until the day that Solomon told her about Dinah, a childhood friend, visiting LAP.
Michal's uneasiness had increased as his excitement increased, for Solomon had been praying for sometime about God's choice of who he should marry, and he could not stop speaking about Dinah.
However, her support could not be faulted in the whirlwind of wedding arrangements, which included the reception at LAP and the ceremony at a nearby church where Solomon's friend, Desmond, was the pastor.
The joyful day came finally and every promise of happiness seemed assured of fulfillment for Solomon and Dinah.
After the ceremony, as the photographer took the wedding party aside, everyone had plenty of time to stroll to LAP and find their allocated seating for the reception.
On their arrival, Solomon and Dinah were cheered and applauded all the way to the bridal table. As they took their seats, a beaming Solomon leanned towards his bride, he saw a grim-faced man in dark glasses approaching.
"Solomon," he said softly, "please follow me to your limousine, for there is something there that might interest both of us."
When Solomon, his bestman and his younger brother, Stephen, who was the driver for the day, had returned to the limo, another soft-spoken command:
"Please open the trunk', he ordered as Stephen felt in his pocket for the release button on the key.
At the sound of the clunk, their softly-spoken intruder reached into the top right-hand corner, pulled out a well-wrapped parcel and tore open a corner to reveal its contents- five klogrames of heroin.
He brought out his official identification card to prove he is an officer from National Drug Law Enforcement Agency, NDLEA. Before Stephen and the bestman could raise an alarm, he warned them,
"Please, let us avoid the avoidables. Tell others when we have left. Meet us in our office. Else..."
Then the bridegroom was whisked away in the Agency's car.
About thirty minutes later, Michal appeared, sweating profusely, and went from one room to another in the NDLEA's office. She later went to Solomon's cell and said,
"Solomon, fear not, the problem will soon be over."
"Thanks, Michal", he replied.
On her way back home, Michal's car crashed. She got her left hand fractured. She was taken to a nearby hospital by two men of the Red Cross Society after the first aid required.
The following morning, as she opened her eyes, they met those of an old man dressed in white apparel with grey hair all over his head, who said to her,
"You are here because of your evil deed. Therefore, confess your wrongdoing to those who arrested Solomon that they will set him free. Otherwise, you'll live the rest of your life in regrets. Your husband will come your way at the appointed time."
Soon after the old man left, an officer came to visit her. She declared that she was the person who set Solomon up because she felt jilted because she thought they would end up in marriage. The man left to set the groom free.
On that day, she was healed and discharged from the hospital. She went to Solomon's house to apologise to him and his wife.
Dinah was almost mad seeing her but he prevented her from saying or doing anything with,
"The Lord is our Advocate. Hold your peace."
He said to Michal,
"My sister, I've done you no wrong to deserve this. I never proposed marriage to you. Yet, you're forgiven. I love my God and my neighbors, I have no regrets. This is just a penalty for love."
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You had a few passive sentences like: She got her left hand fractured.
Just by switching it around it becomes an active one: She fractured her left hand. Then if you wanted to paint even more of a picture you could go on and add other details such as She winced as the pain shot up her arm while the pain in her heart also intensified with each passing second.
I think you have a great idea for a longer story as this one did seem to be hampered just a bit by the word count. However, I could easily see these characters and this setting as a great start for a romance novel. Keep writing you've done a good job.