Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Bitter and Sweet (05/28/09)
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TITLE: The Battle At Calvary | Previous Challenge Entry
By Olugbenga Ojuroye
05/30/09 -
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The young man stood at the edge of a bridge bearing in his mind the memories of an abusive past. As far as he was concerned he was worthless to the world and it was time to die. “Don’t worry James,” Christ said, “By these stripes you are healed.” The young man could have sworn he heard a voice. “Who are you?” he asked. “Jesus...” James fell on his knees and wept. Meanwhile, a terrible blow jolted Jesus back to the present...
The Roman officer was spitting in his face, “Your royal highness,” he said, “You raised the dead but you can’t raise a cross, huh, you who boast of building a temple!” With that he hit Christ on the crown with a heavy stick, shoving the crown of thorns deeper unto his skull. Christ fell to the ground with the cross landing painfully on his legs. There was a whole lot of noise around with a vast sea of faces. He saw each heart through each face and recognised the hearts of those he had healed. He saw Bartimaeus at a corner weeping and to him he said, “You have seen me once, you shall see me again.” He was on the ground awhile and there before him was a young lady in 2007...
She had been saved a few months earlier during rehab for her drug addiction. Now there was this constant pull to go back and it was suffocating her. “Janet,” he said, “Look at me, I am your Good Shepherd and I have promised the Father that not one that has been given to me will ever be kidnapped. So don’t give up as I will never give up. By my stripes and by this cross, I have made you tougher than your temptations. You are mine!” Janet smiled, encouraged; she recognised the shepherd’s voice. He felt himself being dragged up by the arm...
“Lift him up! Make sure he doesn’t fall unless you will be the one hanging on the cross.” As he was hefted up by Simon, He looked up to the heavens and it was a great sight...
A multitude of angels were on the horizon. They looked like fiery gods on huge stallions. Michael was in front ready to lead should Christ give the signal, his face set like a flint. With each blow he gripped the hilt of his sword tighter. To think He was dying for them. Christ looked intently at him and shook his head. Michael’s shoulders slumped as he ordered, “Stand down!” It was a battle of the will not of the sword. It was not his fight. Heaven was still and watched in silence...
Golgotha. Christ was strung up on the cross and the excruciating process of nailing began. His mind was torn between two times. With each whack of the hammer, a face filled his vision. Cindy, Mark, John, Jan, Mary, Obama, Jakes, Oyewole, David...prayers went up to heaven for mankind from the depth of his heart in groans that couldn’t be set into words.
He hung there while heaven stared and the people jeered. “I’m thirsty,” he said. One of the soldiers brought the gall. He tasted it and wrinkled his already disfigured face. The bitter taste represented all that was happening now, the pain, the beatings and the weight of the sins of the world. He could have walked away from this but he knew that it was what he wanted and it was what the Father wanted and mostly, it was what his children needed. With one last breath, he said, “It is finished.”
With the utterance of those words he bowed his head and miracles were wrought everywhere through history. Chains were broken and the brass gates were lifted. There was freedom in the air through the ages and honey couldn’t have tasted better...
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Good job though.
The content is good and the idea of timewarps as well. Maybe reading the peice aloud to someone else before you submit it would help? You obviously have it all clear in your own mind and so need an objective assessment. Keep writing you have an original an interesting style and I look forward to reading more!