The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/21/08
Very powerful piece. Wording could be a little more concise to help with flow, but it's very well-written with great wit and imagery. Great job! :)
You portrayed the mother's heart so well in her pretense before people and her transparency to God, concerning her intellectually challenged son.
Excellent MC voice. She is shown with all the emotions of a loving mother. I especially like the paragraph where the son is enjoying live and putting things in his pocket, great descriptions.
08/22/08
I'm sorry, but I was very confused by this story. There was a swift change in the story line from the stuffy Mr & Mrs C to the focus being on the disabled boy. Needs a better segue I think. Both parts are full of vivid discriptions however.
08/23/08
This really hit home with me, as I have a disabled brother. Some very well-meaning church people have no idea what they're saying, and how it's hurtful to the people who are actually experiencing the difficulties of a family member with a disability.

I really enjoyed the read- the characters rang true, and I especially liked the phrase "gnawing at my neurones"- nice one!

AS I work with clients with learning disabilities, your description of the mother- her outward performance, and inner turmoil fitted the topic perfectly.

PS "mushy peas" could only come from the UK.
PS You may enjoy "In my element"
a piece about my work.