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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/10/08)
In the middle of the chaos and noise of the casino, a young man sat silently at the table contemplating his next move and looking far older than his years. His clothes were rumpled and saturated with the stench of cigarette smoke. Dark circles beneath his eyes showed how little sleep he was actually getting. In his callused, dry hands three cards were shuffled nervously. An older woman sat nearby watching him, chewing gum like a cow chewing its cud, a look of impatience in her dark eyes.

Just one more time, Shane thought to himself as he started out his third hour at the poker tables. Tonight, he’d been having a good night, and the small bit of cash he’d walked into the casino with had grown into a good sum. He placed his bet, cleaning out the pile of chips in front of him. If this hand was as good as the last, he might finally be able to pay off his debts to this casino. Then he’d quit. At least that was the promise he made to himself each night.

“You sure you wanna do that, boy?” The dealer croaked. He wasn’t supposed to question, but he’d seen Shane in here too many times before. “Don’t wanna be bettin’ any more than you can afford to lose.”
“I know what I’m doin’, old man.” Shane’s head snapped up and he glared at the dealer. His eyes were like blue steel. “Give me two.”

Two cards were placed face down in front of him. Shane was suddenly afraid to look. There was nearly a thousand dollars in chips on the line. That was more money than he’d seen in a very long time, probably more than he’d ever see again. He stretched out a hesitant hand looking at one card and then the other. He smiled with confidence and visibly relaxed his shoulders as he laid out his hand.

“Four of a kind, old man. See, I told you I knew what I was doin’.”
“Royal Flush, house wins! The house is a winner!” The old dealer announced with a hint of sadness in his eyes.

Shane suddenly became weak and his face went pale. How could he have lost? What was he going to do now?
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Marita Vandertogt
01/19/08
Looks like that was one more time too many. Excellent descriptions of your characters at the beginning -and you set up the scene really well. I could feel the MCs angst. Nice writing!
James Dixon
01/19/08
I liked the way you condensed the story and focused tightly on the one turn of the cards. Just one time too many- fits the topic well. Good job.
Yvonne Blake 
01/21/08
The title is very appropriate.
I like your opening setting.
You have a 750 word limit. You could have stretched this much farther and made it more dramatic.
Good writing...keep it up.