Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Confused (08/16/07)
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TITLE: "An Air of Uncertainity" | Previous Challenge Entry
By Karen Frantz
08/17/07 -
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A soft, cool breeze caressed the sides of Molly’s cheeks as she sat under the big, sprawling oak tree that stood like a massive statue in the park across the street from her office. She stared at the lake, daydreaming about her relationship with Josh, the man of her dreams. He was every thing she had ever dreamed of. Her heart skipped a beat every time she thought of him. She was deeply in love with this man.
Not aware of his presence she jumped, startled as he spoke, “Hey gorgeous, how are you this beautiful day?”
She whirled around just in time to see those big, brown beautiful, twinkling eyes. His mouth was turned up at the corners into the biggest, brightest smile.
“Hey!” she giggled, “You startled me.”
“Oh, sorry, I thought you might like a little lunch.” He said, holding a bag with sandwiches and two soft drinks in his hands. He sat down facing her.
“Now tell me what‘s on your mind?” He asked.
Molly dropped her head and then she looked up at him.
“I’m so confused, Josh, I don’t know what I’m going to do! She cried, with tears welling in her eyes.
“What are you confused about?” He asked, tenderly taking her hands in his.
“You know when we first met, I told you that I have answered the call to missions. In the fall I will be leaving to go to the seminary and from there to somewhere overseas.”
“Yeah, and?” Josh responded, looking into her eyes.
“Well, I’ll be gone at least two years to the seminary and then to the mission field and you have told me explicitly that you are not called to missions. I guess what I am so confused about is our relationship with each other and how it affects our relationship with God. Josh, I love you and I am afraid of losing you.” Molly sobbed, as the tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Josh you are everything I have looked for in a man. You are kind, considerate, funny and most importantly a child of God. I really believe that God wants us together, but now I am so confused. Why would He call me into missions and not you?” She asked.
Josh lowered his head, and then he looked up at her. Molly, I love you too. And we have been all through this, honey, I really don’t know what to say. I know God is not the author of confusion. I believe if we pray about this and maybe even talk with Reverend Scott, God will give us direction and a solution to our problem.”
Molly looked at Josh’s handsome face. “Oh Josh, I need direction, I need to know and believe God is in control and trust Him to lift me out of this confused state I am in.”
Josh put his arm around Molly and kissed her forehead.
“Come sweet girl, let’s go see what the Father has in store for us.” He said, as he took her hands and lifted her gently to her feet.
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In your first paragraph, you have several cliches:
the man of her dreams...every thing she had ever dreamed of... Her heart skipped a beat...
You want to avoid phrases like that, especially in an opening paragraph. There are so many wonderful ways to describe young love!
Good plotting here--every good story has conflict, and you handled it very well.