Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Embarrassed (07/19/07)
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TITLE: The Benefits of Embarrassment in the Defeat of Arrhythmia | Previous Challenge Entry
By Robert MacLeod
07/20/07 -
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Apparently “jonnies” are not commonly available for those of us 6’- 4” and taller. This got me thinking that there must be some benefit to ones healing process in being embarrassed, perhaps some affect on the immune system.
Some moments later the cell phone in my heap of clothes began to ring. Knowing the rules against cell phones I franticly leaped from the bed to silence this offending device. It was at this point that I realized my heart beat had completely returned to normal and from this point on I felt entirely well and just wanted to go home. This is also against the rules. I retook my place on the bed and waited for the long day to end.
The nurse came in and while asking me questions, began to hook me up to the machine beside me. She attached several wires to my chest, a pressure cuff on my arm and a sensor on my finger. Then an I.V. was placed in my hand so that they could take blood. Eventually I was seen by the doctor. I told my story and we promptly came to no conclusions.
Some time later a less than friendly woman came in to administer an EKG. She had me fold down and pull up the Jonnie until it was essentially gone. Already quite nicely wired I had added to me six more wires. While lying in this state the song from Pinocchio started playing in my mind. “I’ve got no strings to hold me down, to make me fret, to make me frown, I once had strings but now I am free, there are no strings on me--” I quickly shoved it out of my head. When finished she removed the wires but left the tabs that had been adhered to my skin. I figured that these were some further administration of the embarrassment factor.
Once again talking to the doctor we determined that I could go home and that someone would be in to fit me with a portable heart monitor. Seeing I was feeling better he must have decided that less embarrassment needed to be administered and said that I could dress from the waist down. Doing this I accidentally popped off some of the wires attached to my chest. I figured I was done anyway so I removed the others and the pressure cuff.
The nurse returned shortly after. She walked up to the monitor and stared for a moment. Her eyes then followed the wires to the heap on the back of the bed, and then she looked at me. I realized in an instant that I had become the “difficult patient”. I muttered a haphazard defense about the doctor saying I would be going soon. She didn’t buy it and her attitude toward me seemed to change ever so slightly and so skillfully crafted as to never be admissible in court. I thought this was confirmed in the removal process of my I.V. needle. Knowing that this woman was in control of my life, and for the very need of my children to maintain a father, I ventured a humorous comment about my obeying the rules from now on.
Later two new nurses entered the room to fit me with my portable monitor. Determined not to make the same mistake with them I quickly entered into conversations about pleasant topics like travel and my children. While preparing to add yet more wires to my chest one of these nurses made comment about not needing to shave me. With this direct attack on my manhood I thought the first nurse had already gotten to them. Then remembering the healing benefits of embarrassment I relaxed in the fact that it was just procedure. I was told to bring the device back in twenty four hours and drop it off in the E.K.G. department.
I am quite determined not to repeat this adventure again so I am avoiding all strenuous activities while wearing this monitor so to appear perfectly healthy. I wish not to speak to anyone in the building and will avoid eye contact when returning this instrument. I also am prepared to defend myself if necessary.
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