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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Reading (01/25/07)
At lunch time in the summer, I always went out to my car to read the Bible and pray,
And one day I decided a part of it aloud, because I didn't understand what it said:

"He was led like a sheep to the slaughter,
and as a lamb before the shearer is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
In his humiliation he was deprived of justice.
Who can speak of his descendants?
For his life was taken from the earth."

As I was reading it, a man named Phil--who worked there too--came up to my car and asked,
"Do you understand what you're reading? and I shook my head 'no' behind the glass,
"How can I, unless someone explains it to me?" and I invited him to sit in the car, too--
He smiled as he got in the other side, and I just smiled back, not sure what he would do

"Tell me, please, who is the prophet talking about, himself or someone else?
Then Phil began with that very passage of Scripture and told me the good news about Jesus.
Fascinated, I drove away as he spoke and we came upon a river near the high rise--
Phil said, "Stop!" I did, and said, "Look, there's water. Why shouldn't I be baptized?

So we both went into the water that day as my friend Phil baptized me into Jesus Christ,
But was surprised when I came up out of the water that Phil was nowhere, nowhere in sight!

--based on Acts 8:26-40 (NIV)
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Allison Egley 
02/03/07
I really like the idea behind this story. Biblical fiction can be really fun to read and write. However, I think this needed to be expanded. It read too much like the actual story. Try actually putting yourself into the story. How did the main character feel? Was he thinking Phil was crazy to come up to him in the car like that? What was it that Phil said that made things really "click?" Like I said earlier, you've got a great start here. I'd love to see the expanded, because I think you would really have a great story.
Ruth Neilson
02/03/07
I agree with Allison and her remarks above. You got the bones of the story here in this entry...now flesh it out. Use your five senses and don't be afraid to try to incorporate things that is part of your world. For example, name a highway in your area or even a local river, stuff like that helps flesh out the setting even more.
Most importantly, keep on writing--you'll improve with practice!
Martha Ford
02/03/07
My first, short article for this site surprised even me when I read it later, on line, and realized there was so much missing. I agree that your plot is very interesting and I'm sure you have more story inside you to add. Can't wait to read it!