The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1123 times
Member Comments
Interesting read. Thanks for sharing it with us. The dialogue was well done. Sounded like a screen play. Keep writing. Stef.
What can I say about this piece? Excellent use of dialogue. Good buildup of suspense.

For instance, when you have Mr. Reedy shift nervously when he sees the first picture on the screen, you set up an "Uhoh" in my mind. Without telling us it was probably incest or repeated physical abuse, you created drama.

A few punctuation booboos here and there. I didn't understand at first who was speaking in the following:

'“Elizabeth, she passed away six years ago.”

“Was this examination ordered by my doctor?”' You could put these together as I suspect they are both being said by Mr. Reedy, or if you want the question to have impact, you could include something about him getting irritated.

The last part about the examination under the True Light gave me chills! This is an excellent short story! Applause!
Wow! Just the right build-up, suspense, then the True Light is revealed at the end. Nice touch with the repentance and new peace with right with God more important than his earthly ties. It left me hoping somehow the surviving daughter would know the answer to her prayers!