Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Abundance (06/08/06)
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TITLE: the heart | Previous Challenge Entry
By Lance Wilson, Sr.
06/15/06 -
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My heart . . .
I know that there is so much more to it than just being an instrument with which to move the blood through the body. I know that the lyrical aspect of it has been documented throughout history and in volumes of literature. Still it remains a mystery to me and to many others.
The word tells us that it is a wicked thing. That out of it’s abundance man speaks either good or evil. It tells us that only God knows it’s most inner urges and secrets. That gives me a great deal of pause. When I focus on it though, the one word that comes to mind is ABUNDANCE! As small as it is it holds so much! The times that I am reminded of concern my days before the Holy Spirit in dwelled within me. I had gone for years thinking that my destiny was my own to devise. No one could or would ever convince me that I was not the ‘good and decent’ person that I assumed I was. I didn’t bother God and He didn’t bother me and I was just fine with that. What I was unaware of was that I needed an overflow of grace. I needed it like the deer that desires the cool waters. Yet I felt that I could create my own grace and save myself from the judgment to come. Yes, I know . . . I was thinking foolishly. But at the time it seemed to very logical to me. Even scriptural, (though I had no idea from what scripture I was thinking of, if any.) After all “God helps those that help themselves.” this was my mantra. So when I finally gave up and came to the altar for forgiveness and to become a brother of Jesus. I was still naive to the abundance that awaited me.
There I was, standing before a Holy and Righteous God, emptying out the filth that accumulated in my 36 years of disobedience. Listening to the Pastor and the Elders of the church to exhort and persuade the spirit of the Most High to come and fill the emptiness. Hearing the swelling and the descending tones of the Hammond Organ swirl around me. Deep within my mind I wondered where all this grandeur would lead. Was I suppose to foam at the mouth or fall flat on my face or dance until my clothes fell to the ground? No one told me prior to my commitment what I was required to do except to repent and seek Jesus as my Lord and Savior. So what happened next was, and still is, the most emotionally draining experience of my Christian life!
I could actually feel a filling, that’s the only way I can describe it, come over me. Not just over me but in me! It was like stepping into a warm bath. It crept up my legs and made them like jello. It embraced my loins and lower stomach making me feel like I had to go to the bathroom. Then it surrounded my heart! I suddenly realized that I was merely a vessel. A vase or pot that was being filled with living water! There was a swelling, whether perceived by those around me or just within my own mind I can’t say, but it continued unabated. It wasn’t unpleasant nor was it painful. I could hear someone, I think it was my Pastor, say, “Lift your hands high!” I complied and there was relief but it was still intense. Then, and I need to stress that this is my perception, there was a burst! And something like light consumed my internal organs and a new emotion made itself known. It was an overwhelming feeling of utter forgiveness! Peace washed me that day. Joy etched across my face. It was so much. It was too much. It made me cry tears that soaked my beard and saturated my skin. I could taste the saltiness in my mouth from my tears. I inhaled and felt the tingle course through me. Was this what the disciples felt when Jesus breathed on them? It was the abundance of grace, of mercy, of forgiveness, of salvation! It was the overflow of the Comforter and His keeping power.
So now whenever I contemplate my heart and its darkness, I think of that day and the abundance of grace flows like a river and meanders like a stream, over my life.
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