Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Fulfillment (04/06/06)
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TITLE: Rain | Previous Challenge Entry
By Zac James
04/13/06 -
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It was so simple. He gazed around the room, at the 20-odd people still talking, laughing, chittering, chattering around everything and about nothing. His prayer had not changed. Neither had the answer.
It was so complicated.
There is something about the nature of desire that clouds the mind. It is one thing to want to do the right things because you know they are the right things to do and since you are firmly committed to doing the right things, you're doing the right things for what are apparently the most honorable reasons possible. It is purely another to be consumed by a desire to live out the right way, and make the true God your only God.
He stepped forward to his post near the front of the horde of worshippers, as the praise team began meandering up to their posts, ready and vigilant to, as usual, rock the house for Jesus. The beloved (and vertically challenged) youth pastor made ready the final preparations for one of his seniors to open the night with a message designed by intent to inspire hearts to action.
It occurred to him that he was hearing this message from the outside-in. He was aware of the power of the message, in tune with the Spirit's every move in his heart. But the power and passion never left to rush through empty veins to his heart, where there was a chance, maybe a glimmer of hope that THIS was it. That THIS was the one spiritual key that will unlock his relationship with God. That THIS could save him.
He knew better now.
The message was over, and as familiar songs began to play familiar tunes with familiar lyrics, he tried singing...moving...dancing...praying...seeking as best he knew how. But he was a puppet, attempting to please his audience by the dance and joy in his movement. Slowly but surely, the audience of One became an audience of Two, then Three, Four and then the numbers were lost to him. All he knew was that they were nameless and faceless to him.
The songs were over, and he could not shake the eerie feeling that it was all movement, movement, movement, empty movement. The beloved pastor delivered an on-the-spot, unplanned bit of Godfoolery- he told his attentive audience to do everything they could not to worship their God as music that honored Him, that ascribed Him, was placed around the room as if drops of fire. And the fire burned. The kindling, now numbering 110 strong, were slowly but surely set ablaze, and the roaring of their fire drowned out all that would try to quench it.
And in the middle of the fire, he sat unscathed, coming to the stunning and painful realization that in his heart of hearts, wayyy deep down...
He didn't have to worship God. He didn't need to worship God. The knowledge burned in his brain that he had to worship God because it's what he knew to be true.
But the dead rarely know they're dead until they've seen the living.
That knowledge was something he would never let go. The issue in his mind was that he did not passionately desire to worship God. The true passion, the true light, the true joy was missing.
So he promised God he would not get up until God gave him the desire he so desperately knew he needed. And he waited for the heavenly host to destroy his barricades. As the crowd rose to their feet, his post remained the same. He felt the depths of peace, the flow of the Spirit that touched and left all but a precious few barren to their worship. The rain fell in torrents, but the umbrella he wanted God to take away kept him "safe". He was aware of two beautiful times where his heart was invaded, and he nearly was taken over. But his foolish strength both saved him and left him wondering if the answer was lost on him and he just missed out.
As soon as it had begun, the night was over. The result from the battle was uncertain, as victory became defeat, and defeat became victory, for he looked in the right place, and perhaps in the right way. But he didn't find what he came for. One thing you can be sure of- he will be back again until he finds it.
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Well, I was thoroughly confused at the conclusion of the night, but your last sentence made me really like it! Good job!