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Topic: Enter (02/27/06)
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TITLE: Enter In (i) | Previous Challenge Entry
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02/28/06 -
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During the mid-1970s the Charismatic movement swept across New York City. I had been working in Manhattan at the time – a young woman of twenty- five years whose only interest was in finding a husband. I was raised in a Christian environment, although looking back now; it was more ritual than true faith.
The only evidence I saw of a ‘true believer’ rested in my Grandmother Connie. She seemed to have a window into the spiritual realm that no other family member shared. Grandma Connie prayed every day and I believe it was her prayer life that developed what I now recognize as the gift of prophecy in her.
Nevertheless, as a young woman of the 70s I thought those otherworldly attributes were reserved for the old women who spent all day cooking and cleaning for their families. Then one day all that changed for me – a new girl came to work at my company and along with her came those otherworldly attributes. Betty referred to herself as being ‘born-again’ of the spirit. She claimed that God delivered her from alcoholism and that she could talk in tongues which was evidence of the Holy Spirit’s presence. As a mainstream Catholic Christian, I thought Betty had a serious mental problem.
As the months passed, I got to know Betty better, mostly through her persistence. One thing I noticed was that Betty had a sparkle and clarity in her eyes I had seen only once before in my Grandmother. She even lacked the fear the rest of us young women harbored being the generation of the Son of Sam, a serial killer that was on the prowl for young New York City women at the time. She claimed Christ was her shield and protection and that fear was the absence of faith. I marveled at such peace and strength of character in the midst of some of the most trying times I had ever experienced. However, it never occurred to me that I could also have that same peace.
Betty left the job a few years later to raise a family and around that time my life spiraled downhill. My own hopes of marriage and family were crumbled as I witnessed my friends marrying and having families while I remained alone. I could not accept this reality and I suffered a deep depression. I felt betrayed and robbed by the God Betty swore loved me enough to care about my dreams and needs.
The years passed and bitterness took root in my heart to the point that I tried to take my own life. However, a miraculous occurrence took place – as I tried to empty a bottle of pills into my mouth, I felt something stopping me. Then I experienced a love and peace I had never known before in my life. I recognized this peace and love to be that of the loving Christ Betty spoke about. I heard Him in my spirit telling me to enter into His life of love and grace. Almost immediately the loneliness and bitterness left me and at that moment I understood the mystery Betty had discovered.
Over the years I still feel lonely and bitter at times, but it does not have the power to destroy me – I just enter into to His presence and allow the loving Lord to fill me until I can continue on this journey called life.
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