Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Bookends (01/30/14)
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TITLE: Testimony | Previous Challenge Entry
By Toni Hammer
02/05/14 -
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Her first taste of abandonment came when she was told her pillars of strength would no longer reside together. But there was still love.
Anxiety and depression wrote hate mail on her arms. The angst ridden tears only the young can cry covered her pillow at night. No words could be formed—just quiet sobs of isolation. Though she could not feel it in the darkness, still there was love.
Bitterness trailed behind her through the years. Drugs and desire consumed her. For brief moments, hope would clutch her to its chest only to be pushed aside by her past. In the shadows, though, there was love.
Age gave way to maturity and she began to give up childish things. Occasionally she allowed peace to take her hand and walk with her. In that stillness she began to believe in the omnipresent love. Despite attempts to run, to hide, her soul had begun to give in.
In a quiet place a song of great and awesome eternity pierced her deeper than anger or betrayal ever had or ever could. She surrendered to the love that had been stitched within her from the beginning.
The sun was bright when she committed to another. Though fear was in the front row, love was beside her. Years passed and she put her strength into cultivating new souls whom she would teach and love with the same love that had always been with her.
The struggles were many. Her old friends heartache and sadness and uncertainty were all too frequent visitors. But she clung to the love that had been with her on her first day.
On her last night she will lay silent. Love will come to her and say it is time to come home. There is more life to come, a greater life, but it will be time to leave.
In the beginning was love. In the end will be love. Two perfect bookends to an imperfect life.
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I loved this part:
On her last night she will lay silent. Love will come to her and say it is time to come home. There is more life to come, a greater life, but it will be time to leave...
God bless~
One suggestion I have is that you try to omit or replace words like 'had', and 'the'.
For example you could say 'her soul began to give in... or 'surrendered to love stitched within her'.
Great job, keep writing! Vonnie
What between the bookends would determine the outcome?
Maybe this was the feel that was intended.
I remember reading somewhere that the writer should identify the MC at least once, so that the reader does not view the MC in the abstract.
Also, you write about love that is undefined, almost metaphysical. Perhaps that is intentional, but it leaves me wondering as to the source of that love.
I loved the last line. It was a perfect conclusion that tied directly to the topic. You used great, descriptive word choices.
Despite my comments, you show
great potential, and could very well be among the winners.;-)
I loved this entry!
God bless~
I know this article is a few weeks old, but I was very moved by it. You are a great writer. Keep it up, and soon you will be at the Master's level.
Godspeed!
Doc B.
Your ending leaves me completely satisfied--the mark of a great ending!