Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Light at the End of the Tunnel (01/23/14)
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TITLE: Burns Brightest | Previous Challenge Entry
By Michael Dreher
01/24/14 -
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Somewhere along the line I began to wonder how long I had been walking. Time seemed to pass away, hand-in-hand with the sanity slowly seeping from my mind. Fumbling, bumbling, stumbling, I made my way forward. Pride has now crept in, willing me to push harder and walk faster. “I can do it, I can make it to the other side” I would tell myself. But that pride is short-lived now since there is no goal in sight. I began to question, to pray, to call on God… if only He would hear me I would be alright. Just a little light to travel by made up my appeal, wanting, wishing, for an end to this lurid ordeal. “How did I wind up here?” I thought to myself. But there was no answer given, nothing to ease my despair. But then… then, unless a trick played on my eyes, a light could be seen to my great surprise. Off in the distance a sliver of light danced on the horizon, causing hope to build deep down inside me. So I walked hard, I walked strong, thanking God all along as I headed straight for that light. But now, in my moment of clarity fear began to rise up within me like mercury within a thermometer, because I now knew I was not alone. Footsteps could be heard all around me, along with the groaning’s and moaning’s of other lost travelers. From somewhere in the dark a hand reached out and touched my arm causing me to jump, seemingly, out of my skin. “Who are you?” I called out to no one, and anyone around me.
“My name is Damon, and I am glad you are here. I was hoping someone would come along to keep us company.”
“Hello Damon, my name is Mike, but just so you know my goal is to make it to that light.”
“The light you say… why would you want to go there? Stay here with us in the pit of despair. Though the darkness doesn’t allow us to see, all of us here are happy as can be.”
“It doesn’t sound that way to me; all I hear are moaning’s and groaning’s, people crying out for help. I think they are lost and feel the same way I felt.”
“You felt? Don’t you still fear, and doubt, unable to find the way out?”
“No. I believe I have found the way just up ahead; there is light breaking through at the end of the tunnel. Why don’t you come with me? We can gather the others and make our way out. All we have to do is head straight for that light.”
“I can’t, I have grown comfortable here… me, myself, and I… I have all I need.”
“Suit yourself my friend, but I have to get going, the light beckons me as it keeps growing.” So off I went as Damon and I parted ways.
My resolve grew stronger as the light grew brighter, and my fear abated as the light began to dissolve the darkness. “A few more steps now and I will be there” I told myself as I walked straight ahead. And then… the light intensified as I came to the edge of the tunnel, and it radiated a heat that soothed my bones. I felt like I was almost home… to the place I was meant to be. As I reached the edge of the tunnel I turned to look back but saw nothing but darkness. So I turned back around, looked straight ahead and basked in the light. It was so beautiful, so peaceful, and so welcoming. The light… the light burns brightest at the end of the tunnel.
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In offering a few pointers I'd say, break down paragraphs for ease of reading and I noticed many lines that rhymed which I assume was intentional for this piece.
If so, you could put it in poetry format using stanzas or you could even try a Villanell which I just learned of by reading another writer's entry recently.
I was amazed how she was able to create such lovely words using that form. When I read the definition I looked back at her poem and she had followed the form exactly right. Amazing. It had to be difficult to formulate.
Your story is really good. If I may suggest; head over to the forums and look for Jan's Writing Basics and Ann's Grammar Basics where you'll get a great deal of help with structure and grammar.
Keep writing!
God bless~
God bless~
Can we find Jesus through his word without entering the tunnel of darkness?
The darkness of being deceived is like a black hole with no light at the end. Good thing it was only a tunnel.
Once Jesus is found, don't go into the tunnel.
I truly enjoyed the read. You will attract more readers if you double space your paragraphs, creating more white space, otherwise it may appear as a daunting task to read.
I too recommend Jan's writing courses, I've picked up some stuff there that I must've missed in school. Keep growing with us! You have a good talent here.