The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I enjoyed your creative take on life's final exam. Your writing is very descriptive, and I could imagine being in the scene. Thanks for sharing this.
Great job! I think no one really feels ready to meet God.
If you leave an extra space between paragraphs, it helps the reader. (I did the same thing in the beginning.) Good writing.
I enjoyed this piece. You did a nice job of creating the conflict and building the suspense.

The one thing I would suggest is to be careful with your paragraphs. You often have Robert speaking, but Henry doing an action. When a new person speaks or does an action, then you should start a new paragraph, even if it's just one word or too.
For example: Robert licked his lips. "How long have you been here?"

Henry shrugged his shoulders.

In my example I show the reader who is speaking by having Robert lick his lips. It also shows the reader Robert is nervous. Then I start a new paragraph. Even though Henry is shrugging in response to Robert's question, you're focusing on a new person, so you start a new paragraph. You also may want to use double spaces between pars to give the reader that all important white space.

Overall, you did a great job. I was a bit worried that the MC may not know the answer, but your flashback was the perfect answer and ending. You did a great job of covering the topic while still delivering a great message. This was a thoroughly enjoyable read.

Congratulations for placing 6th in your level! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.)