The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Very kind thought towards your friend.

When there are more than one main thought or idea in a paragraph, you can separate them into two separate paragraphs.

A short paragraphs with one important thought can be powerful.

Keep writing and also being God's hand in helping others.
Wow- what an amazing story. Vanessia sounded like an incredible lady. Praise the Lord for sending her friends such as yourself, and the others who she was in contact with.

This story touched my heart, thank you for sharing this.

God bless you~
Thank you for this beautiful piece. As a former counselor at a Christian rescue mission, your dear testimony touched a very deep part of my soul. I became so wrapped up in the story, I couldn't have noticed if every other word was spelled incorrectly or not. To me, that is what makes a writer powerful...catching the audiences attention. You did just that!
Powerful testimony and witness to the work God does in and through us. Your story really touched my heart. Thank you for sharing it.
This is a beautiful testimony. It's easy to see why people fell in love with Vanessa. What a wonderful reminder for those of us who have home and family, but grumble over little things, forgetting to give thanks for little and big things.

Remember to start a new paragraph when someone different is speaking. I noticed you did use the word expose once, but if I didn't know the topic I think I would have guess expect. It's not always easy to write on topic. I'd encourage you to check out Jan's Writing Basics on the forums. She has some great tips up there now, plus I remember a lesson when she talked about writing on topic. I've learned a great deal from others at FW who have been willing to share their expertise with me.

You did a nice job of bringing Vanessa to life. I live in a rural area where being homeless is almost unheard of. You opened my eyes to a new culture. We definitely shouldn't judge others. One of my favorite sayings is But for the grace of God go I. Your piece really emphasized that point to me and I took a minute to thank God for all the wonderful in my life and a prayer for all the Vanessa's of the world.
Such a touching story. Thanks for opening your heart and opening my eyes to the needs of the homeless. I once had a friend who was homeless, a godly and patriotic man who was able to get back on his feet, find employment, a vehicle and then an apartment. Keep sharing your experiences through writing!

Wing His Words
What an inspiration Vannesia was! And how blessed you were to have her in your life!

One of the hardest things in the challenge is to write on topic. You mentioned the word "expose" a few times, but it wasn't really essential to your story. I also think it would be stronger with more dialogue, so that we could get to "know" Vannesia better.

This is a strong story for this level, and I enjoyed reading it.
Incredible story! It sounds like it could be true? If it is, you might want to indicate that with an author's note at the end of the article. Just space down one line or two and add it as a note. When I began writing challenge articles, I assumed people would know it was true, but they didn't and was asked to indicate so I pass that tip along to you.

I'm thinking that the topic is carried in this article through your exposure to the homeless lady, and what she had to teach you, as well as the ladies homeless status and her exposure to the harsh elements of her living situation, phyysically and how folks viewed the homeless. That works for me, anyway.

I love that your friend had someone like you to be with her at just the right time in her life. Shows us all how God has His eye on us! Thanks for sharing.
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