The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is a nice story. You have a great start that pulls the reader in and creates a desire to need to know what is wrong.

Make sure you start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks, even if it is just one word. Double spacing between paragraphs will create that white space that is so important when reading on a computer.

I wasn't sure at first if you were going to be on topic because I thought maybe the first doorbell ring would be the only mention of the topic. Writing on topic can be tricky as you need to make sure if you eliminate the topic words then your story no longer makes sense. You did pull it in though when you went on to talk about Jesus ringing the doorbell of her heart. I think that is a nice image. You did a good job with this story. The message is a good one. it's important to listen to the Holy Spirit and know when he is calling you to work for his glory, yet not come off as too preachy. Nicely done.
Good story. Really liked the last few lines - pulled it together nicely, and left me with an impact.
This entry gripped me and held my attention throughout the entire read. Nicely done, and well-done.

God bless~