The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I like the way you've incorporated the stories of two completely different families and how their actions reap consequences and how generations do repeat themselves. I would have liked a little dialogue to make it a bit more of a "show don't tell" story, but it's really nicely done. Keep up the good work!
I think the idea behind this topic is brilliant. You really did a great job of showing the topic. Repeating was the main theme of your story and the story could not be told without the concept of repeat. This is an excellent example of writing on topic in a fresh and out of the box way.

You did more telling than showing, which made it a tad difficult to remember the characters. One example would be your opening line. Just by switching around a few words you can paint a picture for your reader. This is just an example to show you what I mean: Cowering in her bed, Betty held her breath when she heard the floor creak from the weight of her husband. Quickly she closed her eyes and forced herself to slow down her breathing.
Something like that would hopefully draw the reader in and actually have her hold her breath because she is so involved in reading the story.

Overall, though I think you did an outstanding job. Your title is a perfect fit. Your opening paragraph introduced the conflict immediately. The ending showed that if we live as Christ wants us to and ask him into our heart, though we are not shielded from grief and pain, we are given the strength to make it through. I really like this piece. It's one of my favorites so far.
Really interesting take on the topic--the verse helped weave everything together. A little more dialogue would have made the characters more memorable, but very well written.
Wow - this was a wonderful piece! I really enjoyed it. Great job.
God bless~
Such marked contrasts in individuals and families. When we leave God out of the picture, we pay the consequences. I had a bit of a problem keeping the characters straight in my mind but the theme of repeat shines through. Good writing...

Wing His Words!
Congratulations; keep Winging His Words!
HEARTY CONGRATULATIONS on your FIRST PLACE level win!! I loved your story and its message! You did a good job contrasting the the godly and the ungodly families. WAY TO WRITE!!
Congratulations for your ribbon and for ranking 31 overall! (Highest 35 rankings overall can be on the message board)
My or my. Well done and congrats!
You did a phenomenal job writing this modern day application of an ancient prophecy. Well done and congratulations on your win!