The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You've told a wonderful story about love and marriage. The emotions really ring true and the MC's growth is natural. I could really relate to her. The mechanics of your writing can use some polish - such as a few tense changes and a few misspellings - but the core of the story was great.
You kept me reading and told a very believable story! Good job!
This is a great story, which you have built very strongly from a very clever title.
However I noticed changed tenses a couple of times in the same sentence, which can confuse your readers.
This may sound a little picky, but I also counted ten sentences in your first two paras that began with "She." Varying your intros and the length of your sentences will also keep your readers with you. In spite of this, you kept the flow of suspense right up to a clever and positive close.
Your title is a great draw. Then I read the first paragraph and immediately was drawn in. I think probably everyone at one time or another could relate to wanting to push the rewind button. I know I think about it way more than I should. :)

You had some tiny errors like putting the period outside of the quotation mark and I think instead of non-challance you meant nonchalant. Little things like that might be caught by a challenge buddy or a critique group. Check the message boards or if you need help, feel free to PM.

I think you did a great job of building your characters and having them feel quite real. In fact I think your MC's lackadaisical husband is sitting in my very own living room! You also defined the conflict right away and resolved it quite nicely in the final paragraph. You covered the topic in this interesting and eye-opening story. Nicely done.
Very touching story...I could see this being made into a skit or play...God bless you and thanks for sharing...
One more thing, I loved your title...
I could soo relate to this story. You love that guy just the way he is...until you marry him, then you want to change him.

Great reminder to look back on what you really loved about him in the beginning and quit trying to change him.

Thanks for a great reminder.
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