The Official Writing Challenge
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Wonderful story line and you had me with you all the way EXCEPT...I would suggest a few things. 1) Always proofread! 2) When you are speaking of one doctor, and are referring to the "doctor's" whatever, it should be as I just wrote it, not doctors'. That would indicate you are talking to more than one doctor. 3) Also, when you are quoting something one of your characters is saying, it should be quoted with double quote marks, not singular ones; and 4) Another suggestion is that when you are indicating you are praying, to set out the prayer in italics is a nice touch, in my opinion. You did a very good job in your story line; you just have a little to do regarding polishing it up. Nicely thought out and presented.
I found this to story to be particularly moving and well written. It flowed very well, had dramatic magic to it while remaining believable. This story reminds me of a cinematic short version of a Hallmark movie. Great job.
Very touching
I really enjoyed this story. You did a nice job showing the conflict. It was a creative take on the topic.

Make sure you start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks. The other red ink I would offer is try not to put things in that aren't relevant to the story. For example the whole paragraph about the nurse making the appointment and then calling her back didn't really add to the story. Perhaps if you showed while waiting Sara became more anxious and had more chest pain that would add to the story. The little details about waiting and filling out paperwork is something the reader can assume. With such a short word count it's important to make every word of the 750 build the story. I think you were starting to show it but instead of just having her wait or fill out paperwork show the reader she is trembling as she writes down her history. Perhaps show her nervousness by jumping and running to the phone every time it rang. Things like that will help the reader see what is going on in the MC's head.

This made me smile. I liked the idea of how the two different kinds of hearts can affect the healthiness of the other. God was watching over Sarah as she made her appointment with this doctor. You did an excellent job of writing on topic in a fresh and interesting way. You also did a beautiful job with your message. I also enjoys when a writer writes the prayers in stories. Some people have no clue how to pray and your MC did an excellent job of showing what having a relationship with Jesus is like. You have a great deal of talent. Keep writing.
I try not to read other comments before commenting myself so I did want to add that it is acceptable to use the one quote' as long as you are consistent throughout the story is all that matters. Many who use British writing use the ' mark and it is perfectly acceptable. :) As for the thoughts being in italics that can be helpful if there are a lot of thoughts but she could have been talking to herself aloud. I did notice you put the exclamation point outside of the quotation mark and in this case it should be inside because it was her speaking that was being exclaimed. Nevertheless I still think you did a dandy job! :)
A beautiful story that touched my heart in many ways. I loved this poignant piece that brought an important message to the readers. Thank you.

God Bless~
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