The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You and your wife definitely have talent and similar styles! I can imagine the conversations you two must have. :)This held my attention all the way through and was very creative. Good job of thinking out of the box!
I think this is the beginning of a great story - but you left too many loose ends for me to feel satisfied. A very interesting concept, though - you kept my attention all the way through!
This is intriguing, like the outline of a longer allegory. I think it would read better with some dialog and characterization, but this is certainly fascinating!
I agree with Anita- I wanted more. The words kept me reading till the end, but I felt I needed something more to make it complete. I see the beginnings of a great story here:)
You lost me a few times I'm afraid, as the reader I like to be wooed more...great idea but for the record the only breath that comes from the oesophagus - is a burp! (oops perhaps that's what you meant!)
A very creative idea for a story. It was a little hard to follow, but that is easily fixed - just read the winning stories from the past few weeks and see how simple they keep the information, how they mix in thoughts and dialogue etc. They also make sure the flow is simple and stays in one or two settings.
As Debbie mentioned, your style is similar to your wife's and you both know how to think outside the box. This kept my attention but left me feeling unsatisfied at the end. Perhaps you would consider expanding this and giving us the whole story? Thanks for sharing.
Great descriptions and a very interesting story, but I'm not sure how he climbed the rain? Maybe I need to read it again :)
I really liked this one. Very descriptive, but I too, felt the need for more. I WANT MORE! NOW! No, not now, but sometime in the near future, perhaps you'll expand on this? How lucky your wife is to have a husband who writes as well!