The Official Writing Challenge
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Your message came through loud and clear--we never know when our time is up, so we need to be ready. Good job.
Your story grabbed me in a way so many stories fail to do. You set up the characters well. There was good drama leading up to and throughout the father appearing. And an unexpected ending.

Your dialogue needs to be on separate lines from the narration. Google it and/or read some Master's level stories for examples.

Nice job!

Wow this story grabbed me right away and the ending took me by surprise. Nice job.
Excellent! Keep writing!
I take back my comment on dialogue. On second look, it seems fine to me. Sorry if I confused you with that one.

Nice story ... again. ;)